Monthly Archives:

December 2013

Education, Sex Ed

You Don’t have to Deep-Throat. Tips for Giving Great Head.

Fellatio, oral sex, sucking off, blowing, giving head… whatever you call it, there probably isn’t a man alive who doesn’t love it.

Want to give a better blow job? Forget everything you’ve seen in porn. The quick, robotic, bobbing up and down on your bloke’s bratwurst with your mouth is generally pretty unsexy. And for many women, the ability to actually enjoy any attempt to deep throat is a myth.

Here are our five top tips for giving great head.

Take Your Time

A rushed hummer is pretty unsexy, so be sure to take your time so you can both enjoy it. Start slow to make him squirm: grazing your mouth against his penis, kissing up and down his shaft, licking his tip, and building his anticipation.

Focus On His Sensitive Spots

Linger on the parts of his anatomy that are especially sensitive, including the tip of his penis, his testicles, his frenulum (the flesh underneath the crown of his penis) and his perineum (the spot between his testicles and butthole). Oral is about using your mouth to maximum effect, so try gently licking or sucking his balls.

If you’re both into it, you can incorporate a little ass play into your oral encounter, but it’s the kind of thing you want to approach gently – deciding to poke about all-guns-blazing while his dick is in your mouth can end badly for everyone.

Use Your Hands

Yes, oral is all about wowing him with your wanton mouth, but your hands are just as important – especially if your partner’s penis is more than a mouthful. For a killer combo, use your mouth and hands together. Let your hand act as an extension of your mouth so it feels as though you’re taking more of him, without actually heading into deep-throat-country.

Have A Break

Awkward angles and jaw pain suck, so be sure to take some breaks. This doesn’t have to spoil the mood. Pulling back for a short time can heighten arousal for both of you, and there are plenty of things you can do to maintain momentum, like teasing him with your hands or trying the ridiculous-sounding, but effective, lipstick technique. Keep a glass of icy water beside the bed and have a few sips. Cooling down the temperature of your mouth will give him a pleasant surprise when you go back for more.

Enjoy Yourself

Seeing how much your partner enjoys your BJ can be a big turn on. Likewise, conveying your genuine enthusiasm while giving oral can send him over the edge. Show him you’re into it. Give him a little flirty eye contact while you have him in your mouth, and don’t be afraid to audibly convey how much you love pleasuring him.

The more you enjoy the experience, and the more you can convey that to your partner, and the more pleasure he’s bound receive as a result.

 

Are you looking for oral sex tips for women? Check out our road tested oral sex tips just for women!

Write your own erotic fiction - Polkadotsi.com
Education, Featured

Write Your Own Erotic Fiction

Erotic fiction is nothing new, but the e-publishing revolution and the incredible mainstream success of works like the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy have encouraged more and more aspiring writers to grab their laptops and put their dirtiest fantasies into words.

The fact is, anyone can write erotic fiction – whether it takes the form of short stories, or mammoth multi-book series. Even E.L. James, the women behind Fifty Shades, famously started out writing erotic Twilight fan fiction online, which she then adjusted into her own self-published work, which was then picked up in a squillion-dollar book deal with a major publisher.

Whether you want to write your own erotica for fun, to spice things up with a partner, or with the goal of having it published, we’ve got some tips to help you take your torrid tales to the next level.

The Basic Bones

You probably already have the seed of an idea, so ask yourself the classic who, what, where, when, how and why. Develop your story idea so you have a very basic plot line to work to. Every good story has some kind of conflict, so consider yours. What is the cause of the conflict? How will it affect your characters? What will resolve it?

Start With Some Structure

If you have an array of erotic scenes in your head, jot them all down on pieces of paper. You don’t want all of the sexy-action to occur within your first three chapters, so having some idea of where there scenes will play out throughout your story will help you sustain momentum.

Write

Any author will tell you the key to great writing is just to write. Get it all down – let it pour out of you and onto the page, and worry about editing later. Most novels are around 55,000 words, and while this might seem insurmountable at first, every 1000 words will add up.

Ditch Clichés And Euphemisms

Instead of having his throbbing manhood pound your heroine like a jackhammer, consider some alternatives. Dispense with the stereotypical erotica-speak and surprise your reader. Just because your writing has erotic themes, doesn’t mean you have to go direct to cheap titillation. There’s a trend in current erotica to use the words ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ more than euphemisms, so try these on for size throughout your writing to see how it resonates.

Avoid Blow-By-Blows

Less can most definitely be more when it comes to describing the erotic action in your story, so leave something to your readers’ imaginations. The mechanics of sex are generally a little boring, so keep it simple. To make your tale multi-dimensional, consider the intrigue, emotional dynamics, tension, and conflict of the scene. Draw on all five senses to describe the curve of a hip or the scent of wet grass. This will put your reader right in amongst the action far more effectively than an in-and-out play-by-play.

Be Brave And Authentic

Think it’s hard to fake a convincing orgasm? It’s even harder to convey real eroticism if you’re not turned on by what you’re writing. If you can be brave enough to write about what genuinely excites you, your readers are far more likely to buy into the story you’re telling.

Have Fun With It!

Unless you already have a book deal and a deadline, there’s little point dedicating time to writing erotic fiction unless you can let yourself enjoy it. Having word count goals and dedicating yourself to the project is great, but remember to make it fun. You’re far more likely to get to the end if you can adore the process.

Do you have an erotic work of fiction on the go? We’d love to hear about it!

Reverse Cowgirl Position
Featured, Orgasms, Relationships, Sex Ed, Sex Positions

Yeeehaw! The Reverse Cowgirl Position

The reverse cowgirl position is one of the woman on top positions that gives you a lot of freedom to explore your body. It’s a visually stimulating position, which is why it’s popular in porn. Soft, round buttocks bouncing up and down – it’s the stuff of sexual fantasy!

Get your man to lie on his back, straddle him and face his feet. Position yourselves both comfortably, and you can control the penetration. This is quite a good position post childbirth or surgery, as you can control depth and angle.

The Tricks And  Benefits:

  • You are totally in control, you control the speed, the angle, and the depth. Find a groove that works for you and your partner
  • There isn’t a lot of eye contact, it’s not a romantic intimate position, but it can be sensual and naughty… why not indulge a fantasy..
  • This position allows you to grind and gyrate to stimulate your clitoris
  • Give him a super sexy view by leaning forward towards his feet. (It’s hot, trust us!)
  • By leaning back (towards his head) his penis can stimulate your g-spot
  • You can reach his perineum, testicles, or if you’re into butt play, you’re in a great spot to play down there! (Be gentle, and ask first!!)
  • Of course, its also a good position for him to play with your butt if that’s what rings your bell
  • If you want to take it up a notch, you can skoot up onto your feet. This move can feel AMAZING but requires pretty strong quad muscles
  • You can use a vibrator to play with your clit, and he’ll benefit from the buzz
  • He can sit up to play with your breasts, and change the angle of penetration
  • You can mix it up with pillows under his butt, or your legs to make it comfortable!

Experiment and tell us what works for you! We’d love to hear!!

 

 

 

Body Positive Activism, Your Body

Your Vagina Is Gross (But Thankfully There is a Billion Dollar Industry Built on Fixing It)

Do you own a vagina? Want it fresh as a daisy, smelling like a summer breeze? You’re in lucky, ladies! No longer do you have to put up with a less-than-flawless vajay, thanks to these amazing, and totes necessary, products.

Deodorant

Your vagina smells, and if you’re not regularly using a vaginal deodorant you’re doing it wrong. Feminine sprays, wipes and even suppositories are available in a wide range of fragrances, including honeysuckle and tropical rain*, to keep your snatch sensationally scented.

Tightening Serums And Gels

Want a tight twinkle, but don’t want to fork out thousands of dollars for a full vaginal rejuvenation? Some magical gels and serums on the market also offer tightening properties, to enhance the snugness of your schmoo for intimate adventures.

Crotch Sweat Liners

I bet you’d never even considered that your vagina sweats before seeing this revolutionary product by Kotex, right? Well sister, it does – and your sweaty vagina is highly offensive. Ain’t no one wanna see a sweat patch on your crotch during pilates. Stock up on sweat liners, stat.

Bleach

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the color of your cooch is gross and is the reason your boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet. Want a ring on it? Bleach that beaver immediately.

Mints

These are similar to the deodorant suppositories mentioned above, but they ensure your honey pot tastes as good as it smells. Ready for sexy-fun-time with your lover? Be sure to chuck a mint** up there while changing into your best frilly nightie.

Steam

Remember that time you steam-cleaned your carpets and they came up looking like new again?! Well luckily someone had the foresight to apply this revolutionary idea to your cooter, which you can now detox with a holistic and herb-infused steam clean, based on eastern medicine.

And now for the truth…

Ladies, please don’t let these products near your private parts. Your vagina is self-cleaning, creating its own lubrication to keep it clean and healthy with little outside assistance. In fact, shoving chemicals up your cunny could do some serious damage, and upsetting its pH balance could actually cause irritation, inflammation, infection and odor.

Do you shower regularly? Great. Then you’re nailing it. I’ll leave you with this final though from the delightful and astute comedian Sarah Silverman.

*Seriously, I couldn’t even make this shit up if I tried.

**Thankfully, while researching this post I found the brilliant minds that were selling these ‘love to linger’ mints is now out of business. There is a God.

Vagina mints, and other things you don't need.

Vagina mints, and other things you don’t need.

 

Image credit: © Alen-D – Fotolia.com

Lunette Menstrual Cup
Education, Product Reviews

Ki Tells: My Review Of The Lunette Menstrual Cup

I recently joined the dark side and bought myself a menstrual cup. I’ve been a period geek for a while now, and have been using cloth pads for the past six years. I absolutely love pads but have been hearing all of these wonderful stories of women who have used cups, and cups are so cool, and “Kiera, you NEED TO GET A CUP”

In the interests of reclaiming my menstruation, and making it all funky and stuff (Up yours tampons!) I got my hands on a gorgeous, sunny, yellow Lunette Cup.

For the first few weeks of ownership, my cup sat on my desk. It ventured out of its box occasionally to be popped open, and pinged, and played with.

For the uninitiated, an menstrual cup is usually a latex or silicone cup that is inserted into the vagina when you have your period. It catches the blood, you pop it out, rinse the blood down the toilet and you’re all done.

  • No waste products
  • No toxic nasties in your lady garden (My apologies again… I like to slip that term in just to stir!!)
  • No earthy odors (I actually have never minded the occasional periody smell of pads… )

Welcome Aunty Flo

My beautiful yellow, fascinating, menses receptacle sat idly waiting for the day my period was to arrive.  Joy of joys, the day arrived, and dear Aunt Irma came to visit with her usual pomp and  circumstance (Cranky me, cramps, and a bizarre craving for  coffee bean yoghurt!)

I could NOT have been more excited to try out my cup. I nearly skipped to the bathroom in my haste to funkify my period.

I folded the cup as per  the directions, began the process of insertion, and POP the damned thing flipped open and bounced into the toilet bowl before I had a chance to introduce it to my cervix.

Attempt two (with a freshly cleaned cup…) I performed the fold maneuver, positioned myself ready for insertion, INSERTED!! Pop, the cup opens, and OH GOODNESS, What is this?! Dizzy, Nausea.

Yes, that’s right folks, I fainted!!!

Now I’m not squeamish, I’ve only ever fainted once in my life before, and that was shortly after waking from anesthetic, and a nice and very lovely looking nurse was helping me back into bed. I blame his roguish good looks for THAT particular fainting episode (or the anesthetic, whatever)

My Introduction To The Vagus Nerve

It turns out that there is a nerve called your Vagus nerve that runs from your brain to your  gut, and a cup can actually stimulate that nerve, resulting in a sudden drop in blood pressure, which in my case resulted in a head spin and faint.

This isn’t a common occurrence for cup users, but it isn’t unheard of either. Tampons, sex, well, anything inserted into the vagina can actually stimulate the nerve!

My cup story has a happy ending however – while some women cannot stand to have the nerve stimulated without triggering a dizzy spell, in my particular case it seems that it’s quite intermittent, and provided I go slowly and carefully, dizziness is avoided.

I’m happy to say that it’s convenient, comfortable, and easy enough to use once you figure out how NOT to flip it into the toilet bowl!  I’m very much in love with my new Lunette!

Other women have had success trying a softer brand of cup, or a more bell shaped model.

So All In All

The Lunette is a great product. Its a firm cup as far as materials go, which is why I had problems with flipping it into the toilet. The firmness and springiness takes some getting used  to. I’m not a fan of  the stem on the  cup, which I’ve had to trim. It’s quite rough, and poked into parts that I would prefer not to have something relatively sharp poking.

It’s easy to keep clean and store, and once I got the hang of folding and inserting, it works a breeze. Apart from the stem, I couldn’t feel it once it was inserted.

Oh, and no…. if you’re wondering, no leaks!

Have you had an awkward menstrual cup moment?  Go ahead and share with us!

Featured, Relationships, Sex Ed

Bringing Sexy Back When You’re Not In The Mood

Have you ever had a really rough day at work, or been incredibly stressed about your family drama, or just had a few weeks of feeling generally down in the dumps and thought, ‘you know what will cheer me right up? Some sex. Yep – that oughtta do it’.

Not so much? Yeah, that goes for around 80 percent of the population*. Depression, stress, anxiety and generally feeling low can all negatively affect your sexual desire, and quickly throw sexy-fun-time to the bottom of your priority list. This is especially sucky given that sex, orgasms and simple touching have actually been proven by science nerds (thanks guys!) to boost mood and feelings of wellbeing, and reduce stress and anxiety. Nice one, Mother Nature. What a tangled web you weave.

I’ve been there. I’ve had days where I’ve felt so crappy or stressed my husband had better not so much as look at me the wrong way, let alone bust a move. But I think these feelings were best summed up by one of my BFFs during a particularly rough week, when she lamented;

I feel so stressed and crappy and unattractive right now,
I don’t even want to have sex with myself.

Sing it, sister. We’ve all been there.

The thing is, foreplay, touch, sex and orgasm all release the mood-boosting and stress-relieving endorphins that can combat the blues. So getting yourself some can really help put you on the path to happiness and overall wellbeing.

Need A Little Help To Get Your Sexy Back?

Talk to your doctor. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish the blues from depression, so if you’re really feeling out of sorts it’s worth having a chat with your doctor to discuss some options that will work for you.

Take a break from sex – at least in the short term. Instead, focus on other forms of intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, holding hands, and massage. Taking sex out of the picture temporarily can take some of the pressure off, while maintaining other physical connections can help rekindle the home fires.

Get active outside the bedroom. Exercise can increase your energy levels, release feel-good chemicals to improve your mood, and even stimulate sexual arousal. A brisk walk, a swim, or a game of tennis could help in getting your mojo back.

Take some you-time. Stress releases the hormone cortisol, which can kill your sex drive, so taking time out to indulge in the things you love and de-stress is an important step in reviving your libido. Clear your schedule for an entire day – or at least a few hours – and do something indulgent to decompress. Leave your phone at home, spend some time at the beach with a book, treat yourself to a massage, facial, man-pedi or visit to the salon, take yourself out for lunch at your favorite café… anything that’s just for you.

Communicate with your partner. Talking to someone you love and trust about your worries or feelings can be a great way to reduce anxiety, and it’s crucial to keep the lines of communication with your partner open so they understand how you’re feeling. Intimacy comes in many forms, and sharing your feelings is an important one. Talking and expressing yourself will help your partner better understand your needs, strengthen your connection, and make the transition back to boom-town a lot smoother.

What do you do to de-stress and get your sexy back?

 

*I can’t back that up. This ‘statistic’ is actually just me coming up with a number based on conversations I’ve had on this topic with a handful of friends. Quote me on it at your peril.