Monthly Archives:

January 2014

Featured, Sex Toys 101

DIY Sex Toys That Made Me LOL

Wondering how people got themselves off in the days of yore? Ladies and gents were DIYing sex toys waaay before the invention of the world’s first steam-powered vibrator. How do you think they passed the time before television and the interweb?

Making your own sex toys is fun and easy, and might be a great creative outlet for dirty-minded DIY masters. Sure you could carve a head into a carrot or cucumber, but if you want to really push your ingenuity to the limits, do some online research or grab the handy book Make Your Own Sex Toys.

I fell into the DIY sex toy internet rabbit hole researching this post, and decided to share the best and the worst of the web. You’re welcome/ sorry.

DIY Fleshlight

Well ladies, here’s a homemade gift for Valentine’s Day! Spoil your man with his very own, made-with-love vagina-in-a-Pringles-can. Or, if you’re not handy, just get your hands on the required materials, print out the instructions, and package them in a gift basket.

Look for LOLs: Make your own fleshlight

Sex Dolls, You’re the Scariest

Sabotage Times begins their piece on these homemade sex dolls found on Reddit:

Never underestimate the ingenuity of perverts…

And that pretty much sums these what-was-seen-cannot-be-unseen atrocities. At first I looked at my screen in horror, then I laughed, then the realization that people actually have these things stuffed into their closets and under their beds OR JUST LAYING AROUND THEIR HOMES hit me and I felt terrified. And then I considered some of the creativity and hours of work that has actually gone into them. And I was simultaneously impressed and saddened.

I’m sorry to share this but if I have to have it burned into my memory, so should you: Cheers, Reddit: This Homemade Sex Doll Will Haunt Your Dreams.

Clitoring – Geddit?

You know those bauble rings that were popular for five minutes a few years back? Well it turns out everyone was masturbating with them! Okay, maybe not everyone, but these ladies certainly thought it provided a sexy opportunity, and made a jaunty little video showing how to DIY it. I like the clever use of Dancing With Myself as background music.

Totes gonna look twice at anyone I see wearing one of these in public from now on. Just saying, DIY Sex Toy – CLITORING.

Star Wars Nerds Will Cream…

Does the idea of dressing up as Princess Leia and Hans Solo (or Chewbacca, or another Princess Leia) with your significant other and succumbing to the erotic pleasure of a light saber dildo blow your mind?

It does?! Well then grab your boring old jelly dong, a toy laser sword and read on: Laser Sword Dildos.

One for Looners

Love balloons? Like, really love them? Then this simple and cheap DIY trick might be for you. If you’re happy to run the risk of having a balloon full of water burst all over you and your bed.

May also appeal to chicks with a clown fetish. Not so much to anyone with a phobia of either: The Balloon Rub.

Engineer Your Way to Ecstasy

This Funky Rocker is like the granddaddy of DIY sex contraptions. It’s definitely for seasoned DIYers, given that you’ll need to purchase some potentially complicated plans and actually build this baby using tools and proper components. Like, there are nuts and bolts and stuff, guys. Or you could enlist someone else to build it for you… got a birthday coming up?

If you rewound that scene in Burn After Reading to get a better look at Clooney’s dildo chair, check it out: Funky Rocker Design Plans.

If you are a fan of DIY, be sensible. Check out this list of household items NOT to use for sex play before you let your freaky imagination run wild.


Bright Desires

Featured, Sex Ed, Your Body

Celebrate Your Bangin’ Body (For Your Best Sex Yet)

If one of your wishes for 2014 was to have better sex, hold on to your pearls, girl! Better sex is a state of mind, and body confidence plays a significant role in how you feel between the sheets.

It’s common sense, really. If you feel frumpy or self-conscious, you’re not going to feel sexy. And if you don’t feel sexy, your chances of having mind-blowing sex are slim. You’re unlikely to loose yourself in the moment if you’re too busy worrying about a little extra flesh, or if your boobs look lopsided in this or that position, or if your partner cares that you’ve left your lady garden unmanicured. And wouldn’t you rather a sublime shag than concern yourself with a thigh gap? Or a bikini bridge, or whatever the fuck Instagram is making us paranoid about this week?

Hells yeah. And you know what? You can have amazing sex and feel great about your body tonight. Now, in fact. It’s time to get in the right frame of mind and start celebrating your body, working your best assets, and feeling sizzling-saucy-sexy. These Dos and Don’ts are designed to steer you in the right direction, you minx, you.

DO Think Sexy Thoughts

You know the mind is one of the body’s most powerful organs right? Especially when it comes to getting in the mood, and getting off. If you’ve been at odds with your body recently, write it a love letter – either on paper, or in your head. List all the amazing things about your body, and what it does, and how it feels, and how it makes you feel. Get comfortable celebrating your body, and admire all the things you’d forgotten you love about it.

DO Pamper Yourself. For You and No-One Else

Your body is amazing, so treat it the way it deserves to be treated. Indulge in a little pampering and spoil yourself with something that feels luxurious and sensual. It might be a bath with exotic oils, or a full body-butter treatment, or a pedicure, or all of the above. Do something that connects feelings of satisfaction with your physical self, and do it for you.

DO Get Glam… Or Sweet… Or Oh-So Bad

I don’t care if you’ve got a hot date or a casual dinner with friends or you’re staying in on your onesie for the night with a DVD and a couple of beers. Go to the deepest recesses of your wardrobe and pull out something that makes you feel like a sultry siren goddess, and work it. Don’t dress according to anyone else’s expectations – wear something because it makes you feel like a million bucks. It could be a sequined cocktail dress or a cute and frilly pj set or a leather bustier. It could be a plain ribbed singlet and a pair of French-cut cotton undies.

DON’T buy lingerie based on sucky-in or coverage factors

DON’T stick to one position because you think it will make your tummy look flat

DON’T be afraid to go naked or leave the lights on

DON’T brush off compliments

DON’T shag anyone who doesn’t treat you like the hot, beautiful, powerful creature that you are.

The end.

Sex Toys 101

Keeping Your Toys Clean

Last week we asked, what are your sex toys really made of, and talked about the different types of sex toys materials, and which are considered the safest, most hygienic and most durable. Choosing a sex toy that is made from quality materials – or always being sure to use a condom with your toys – is important. Equally important is taking proper care of your treasures, and cleaning them properly, to ensure they remain safe to use.

While some toys will need little more than a quick rinse with hot soapy water – and some can simply be dunked in boiling water to sterilize them completely – others require a little more care.

Now that you know what your toys are made from, here’s a quick guide to keeping them clean and in great condition.

Glass and Steel

Glass and steel toys are tough and durable, and are non-porous, meaning you don’t need to worry about bacterial nasties making their way into them. If you’re not sharing them with a partner, you can simply wash your glass and steel toys with soap and water or a toy cleaner. If you are sharing them, or you prefer to be thorough, you can sterilize them in boiling water. Just don’t touch them until they’ve cooled down.


Silicone is also non-porous and long lasting, although it can tear if nicked and its texture can be affected by silicone lubricant. Only use water-based lubes with Silicone toys, and to clean your toy, you can sterilize it in boiling water or wash it with a toy cleaner.

CyberSkin and Elastomer

Unlike silicone, CyberSkin is porous, so it cannot be sterilized and it can be prone to small tears. Wash CyberSkin toys gently with mild soap or a toy cleaner after each use and dry thoroughly. Applying your toy’s provided renewal powder once dry will prevent discoloration and protect your toy when not in use. Elastomer toys are similar in that they are slightly porous and should be washed carefully with a mild soap or toy cleaner.

Silicone Blend and Jelly

Silicone blend and jelly toys can be porous and cannot be boiled. Wash these with mild soap or a toy cleaner after each use. Because they can contain phthalates, it is also a good idea to wash them before their first use, and always use a condom with them. Use water-based lubricants only to avoid the surface of your toy deteriorating or becoming damaged.

Handy Hint

Short on time? Glass, steel and silicon toys (without electrical components) can apparently be thrown into the dishwasher with your fine china for cleaning. None of my girlfriends have tried this, but more and more toy manufacturers are boasting it as a selling point. Can anyone vouch for this method? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Teaspoon Position
Sex Positions

The Teaspoon Position

The Teaspoon Position AKA the Pecker Grinder (Thanks Emily Walkerden from Polkadotsi’s fanbase!!) is another position for steamy, hot, but relatively lazy sex. Both of you are supported, and both of you can use your hands to get creative!

Use it for anal, or use it for a straight up variation on doggy style, this position leaves your hands free to explore his butt, and his hands free to explore your clit.

Experiment by shifting one leg forward to angle his penetration, or lean up against the bedhead or sofa for leverage.



Education, Featured, Orgasms, Your Body

Female Ejaculation : The Controversial Little Squirt (Part II) aka The Squirt Squirts Back

Gynaecological UFO’s

In the past FE has been shrugged off by prominent sexologists, the scientific community and the public alike as erroneous, urinary stress incontinence, the wild imaginations of women themselves or even the ubiquitous projections of a male fantasy. These attitudes have stunted research into the phenomena of FE and for those women who squirt they have led to feelings of self doubt, shame and misunderstanding. Not only has the phenomenon been greeted with scepticism, but even the existence of the organs or physiological structures that elicit such sexual responses have been thrown into doubt. Despite the G-spot or zone been described in Ancient Indian texts, such as the Pancasayaka in the 11th century and the Jayamanalga and the Ratirahasya in the 13th century, it has still been referred to an a gynaecological UFO,  with evidence of its existence or importance been seen as insubstantial or circumspect. Similarly, throughout history the female prostate has been trivialised, dismissed as rudimentary, vestigial or atrophic. Well all that’s about to change – this baby is no longer happy to be put in the corner.

Get Jiggy With Your Junk

Historically, women’s sexual anatomy has been shrouded in such mystery and disconnect that our inner workings and structure have become the domain of others. How often are workshops on women’s sexuality, their yoni and it’s amazing capabilities so often headed by men?  How often do we hear of or meet women who have never seen or touched their own cervix, but have had it discussed, manipulated, screened and viewed by others? Yadda, yadda I hear you say. In a moment she’s going to go all 1960’s sex guru on us and have us spread-legged examining our minutiae with a handheld mirror and speculum. But seriously gals you need to get down with this. This is your junk and it’s so worth your while having a peak and a rummage.

We have a pudendal nerve leading to the clitoral nerve, the word pudendal derives from the latin pudere (to make or be ashamed). Fuck.that.shit.

A Call To Battle

The reason for this call into booty-battle is simple. Things are looking seriously fucked up when it comes to fannies. There has been a dramatic increase in genital surgery, modification, augmentation and bleaching. Not only are we waxing our poonanis to within an inch or their lives we are now bringing in the big guns. We have been seriously colonised ladies. Even the diagrams of our genitals are labelled with the names of the men who supposedly “discovered” them (Bartholin’s gland, Skene’s gland); our lady gardens claimed as the property of the medical Realm. And before you go thinking I’m just one of those uppity feminist types, think about this. We have a pudendal nerve leading to the clitoral nerve, the word pudendal derives from the latin pudere (to make or be ashamed). Fuck.that.shit. I’m not ashamed of my genital’s nerves, she’s no seat of shame – she’s one of the life lines of each blessed clitoral orgasm or pleasurable feeling.

Reclaiming Our Land

Clarification, empowerment, normalisation and validation of women’s sexuality and sexual experience are vital. This will occur by educating women on their body and bodily processes, which will remove all stultifying mystery and uncertainty about what is ‘OK’. Therefore, research and phenomenological study is paramount; finding out about women’s lived experience of their body and its processes, including FE,  to enable a re-colonisation, a movement into acceptance of self and reclamation of our lady gardens.

Photo credit: © K.- P. Adler –

Education, Featured, Your Body

Female Ejaculation: The Controversial Little Squirt

Tell Me How She Squirts

Female ejaculation (FE) refers to the release of fluid from the urethra or G spot/zone. These ‘urethral expulsions’ are single or double barelleled (POW! POW!) and are often extremely pleasurable. Ejaculation occurs from stimulation of the clitoris, G-spot/zone or the vagina. It is a healthy and normal response to stimulus – but not necessarily something that everyone can or wants to do. However, it should be noted – and hear this one loud and clear all you partner(s) and potential partners of those beautiful ladies out there who soak – it’s not always pleasurable and it’s not always accompanied by an orgasm.

Alchemical Waters

It seems unclear where these ejaculates originate from, with researchers suggesting the urethral and periurethral ducts and glands, the prostate (that’s right the female prostate exists and may be functional in up to 90% of women) or even from the bladder. And here’s the magical rainbows and unicorn awesome bit – it’s not urine! Yeah, we know some of us ladies might wee a bit when we get a little overexcited, sneeze or jump on a trampoline, but these urethral gushes are chemically altered during sexual arousal. Now that’s the A fucking bomb. It’s an entirely different entity from urine and, in fact, female ejaculators often have significantly stronger pelvic muscles and uterine contractions than non-ejaculators.

Just Keep Swimming

The amounts, consistencies and colours of the fluids are varied in that they can be thinner and more slippery than vaginal lubrication, or thick and whitish. Some women will dribble or leak, others will gush like Niagara. The taste of this fluid also varies from being tasteless, salty or sweet. Once again nature proves itself a little trickster and there is no ‘norm’.

The purpose of this discharge of prostatic fluid may be to better facilitate procreation in that it has been hypothesised to have antimicrobial or ‘nourishing’ properties – yup it makes the swimmers swim.

There are marked similarities between female and male ejaculation in that some men and women will have a refractory period (aka ‘the roll over and fall asleep’ response) after it has occurred. Even the ejaculatory mechanism, with the release of prostatic secretions through rhythmic pelvic contractions, is similar. We Jack and Jill off in a really similar way. And the secretions themselves are similar in composition in that both contain (prepare for long and difficult word) tartare inhibitable acid phosphatase and fructose. Some female ejaculate even has a mild semen-like scent. Oh yum!

Hot Waters

The phenomenon has been documented and hotly debated for centuries, with many even disputing its very existence. Yet women’s flowing love waters have been referred to in Ancient Chinese and Indian texts and even Aristotle and Hippocrates wrote about fluids expelled during sexual intercourse. Culturally, for many years in certain Ugandan communities adolescent girls have even been taught to ejaculate as part of traditional marital preparations. Even the somewhat prudish Victorians referred to orgasmic expulsions in pornographic literature.

However, the most notable sexologists of modern times, such as Kinsey and Masters and Johnson denied the existence of the phenomenon. This denial led to severe lack of interest and research into the topic, but the tides have changed and there is now a veritable tsunami of attention directed at this little squirt. Not only are sexologists and sex researchers turning their thoughts to FE, but the general populace is now becoming more aware and oh so a little interested in the amorous gushings that some women and their lover(s) are able to provoke.

Mastery Kneeling Position, or Sofa Salsa
Relationships, Sex Positions

Sofa Salsa Sex Position

This is one seriously easy and hot position. The Sofa Salsa, or Mastery Kneeling position is great perfect for slow, sensual, build ups, and equally as hot for a quick, dirty fuck.

Have your man sit on a sofa, straddle him with your legs (Start with your panties on for slow, sensual teasing, let him slide his cock around your lips until he’s begging!! IF you can resist that long!) Use the back of the sofa for leverage and enjoy the ride.

Let him explore your body with his hands, and enjoy the view as your breasts bounce around in his face.  Make it sexy and intimate with lots of eye contact and kissing, or just close your eyes and lose yourself!


A great position to hit your g-spot, and your clit, as you grind into his pubic bone!

If you want to take it to the next level, and try a whole new sensation, swing your legs forward into a squat position.



Sex Ed

4 Reasons to Let Your Partner Watch You Masturbate

If your partner wants to watch you rub one out, flick the bean, catch the solo train to pleasure town (insert your own favorite euphemism here), there are four great reasons you should consider granting their racy request.

Big note here: you absolutely don’t have to let anyone in on your solo lovin’ time, and you should never feel pressured.

But if you’re in the mood for indulging their voyeur, bring it on:

It Can Be a Huge Turn On

Seriously, not only does letting them watch you feel a little naughty and play into the whole exhibitionist/voyeur thing, but you’re going to enjoy watching each other take pleasure in the experience. Watching you is going to make them hot and desperate to join in the action. Watching them watching you is going to make you feel desirable, powerful, and sexy.

They’ll Be Taking Notes

Your partner may be exceptional in bed already, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still learn a thing or two when it comes to what makes your body tick. Even if you’ve been together long term, there are probably a few things you do when you’re playing solo that you might not have thought to mention in conversation… of that you’ve been too embarrassed to mention or ask for.

They may be enjoying the experience, but rest assured, they’ll definitely be taking a couple of mental notes on things they can apply next time. The best way to learn something new is to have a good teacher – and who knows what excites you more than you do?

It Can Increase Intimacy

Masturbating is an intimate and personal experience, which is why it can be a little intimidating to do it in front of a partner if you haven’t tried it before. Essentially, you’re inviting them to witness you at your most vulnerable, and that can be a big deal.

You should never feel pressured to masturbate in front of your lover if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. But if you are comfortable, the fact that it’s so personal can really help to increase intimacy. There needs to be a high level of trust involved, so if in doubt, discuss the idea first diving right in (so to speak).

It’s a Hot Option When Sex Isn’t on the Table

If you can’t have sex for whatever reason, masturbating together can be an excellent erotic alternative, and can help to keep maintain intimacy through shared pleasure and touch.

Do you want m

Photo credit:© Arestov Andrew –


5 Victorian Colloquialisms I’m Rallying to Bring Back

If you’ve read my posts previously, you’ll have probably noticed I’m a big fan of euphemisms. Not because I have a problem with the real words (vagina vagina vagina! Penis penis penis!) but because I find all the creative and quirky nicknames people use for sex and genitals to be pretty damn hilarious. And in some ways, empowering… maybe even personifying. I mean, you say the word vagina and people are all, “oh whatevs”. But you say the word cooter or snatch or muff or cunt, and there are instant connotations associated that emote some pretty strong feelings.

Some modern euphemisms are particularly special… but after reading this quick-guide to naughty Victorian slang, contemporary colloquialisms almost don’t measure up. I mean, we all know many of those filthy Victorians were button-up sex maniacs, but come on. Some of their most common euphemisms are gold. And I’m rallying to bring back my favorites.


Cunny (vagina): I first heard this term watching an old Western movie when I was a kid, and was instantly fascinated. I don’t remember the movie, but I remember that particular C-word, which is suggested to be the precursor to the contemporary ‘cunt’.


Quim (vagina): There’s just something sort of delightful about the word ‘quim’, am I right? It’s a bit fanciful and girlish – the kind of vagina you imagine would peek out from behind a lace and feather fan, batting her eyelashes and blushing at the mere mention of a lobcock (see below).


Lobcock (large, relaxed penis): Is it just me, or does a lobcock sound like the kind of thing a man would get incredibly wary having to carry around all day, and would make a loud thud sound when he threw it down on the table to unburden himself. The fact that this euphemism is specific to large, relaxed penises makes me laugh, but also seems somehow very fitting.

Fetching Mettle

Fetching mettle (male masturbation): So, I wasn’t aware ‘mettle’ used to be slang for semen, but it kind of makes sense when you Google it and find its synonyms include ‘spirit’ and ‘spunk’.  Apparently the Victorians were convinced women didn’t masturbate, which is why there is no slang for the female equivalent.

Beast with Two Backs

Beast with Two Backs (intercourse): I love this Shakespearian colloquialism – I like that it raw and animalistic and carnal – although I can’t imagine using it while discussing the events of the week over cocktails with my BFFs.


Photo credit © gromovataya –

Featured, Safer Sex, Sex Toys 101

What are Your Sex Toys Really Made Of?

What are some of the key things you consider when choosing a new sex toy? Color? Shape? Size? Price? Vibration settings? Kink factor? Potential for partner-play?

What about the materials? Do you ever check the labels or listed materials to see what your vibrator is actually made of? Here’s some food for thought…

Would you shove a bunch of toxins up your cooter? Nope.

Would you pleasure yourself with something spongy you thought could be harboring bacteria? Um, hells no.

Well, ladies, it’s time to get schooled, because not all sex toys are created equal – and some of them are made from materials that could be downright dangerous.

A Few Words on Phthalates

Before we get down to brass tacks, let’s take a moment to examine phthalates – the component causing most of the controversy around the safeness of sex toys.

Phthalates are “plasticizers” or softeners added to plastics to make sex toys materials more flexible, transparent and durable. Studies have shown that phthalates may pose potential health risks, and consequently, phthalates have been phased out of many products in the USA and UK, particularly in products such as food packaging and water bottles.

What is Your Sex Toy Really Made Of?


Glass toys are made from medical-grade tempered glass, are non-porous, hygienic, and can safely be used with any kind of lubricant. If the idea of having glass anywhere near your growler doesn’t appeal, relax. Borosilicate glass is essentially lead-free crystal, and is the kind of hard glass used in Pyrex products. In fact, an inch-thick piece of borosilicate glass will withstand around 30000lbs of pressure and extreme temperatures.


Steel sex toys are commonly made from chrome alloy and stainless steel, and will last forever when cared for properly. Steel is non-porous and hygienic, and can be used with any kind of lubricant.


Sex toys made from 100% silicone are made from medical-grade and hypoallergenic materials that are non-porous, hygienic and long lasting. Silicone is soft and lifelike, but unlike other porous substances such as jelly, it can be sterilized in boiling water, or with a 10% bleach solution.

Remember, if you’re using lube with a silicone sex toy, do not use silicone-based lubricants, which can deteriorate the material.


CyberSkin offers a realistic texture, and is phthalate and latex free. However, they are porous, meaning they need to be cleaned frequently, they cannot be sterilized, and they can be prone to small tears due to their soft texture. Also known as thermal plastic, it is more durable than latex, but can only be used with water-based lubes, since silicone, petroleum or oil-based lubes will break down the material.


Elastomer is a newer material, and is phthalate-free and safe for people with latex allergies. It is slightly porous, meaning it cannot be sterilized and needs to be cleaned properly between play times.

Silicon Blend

Silicon blend toys are more affordable than 100% silicone toys, but may also contain latex and phthalates. These toys can be porous, meaning they must be washed thoroughly after every use. They cannot be sterilized, so be sure to use a condom with them if sharing with a partner. Use water-based lubes only.


Jelly is made of a mixture of PVC and rubber, and is one of the most popular and materials currently on the market thanks to its realistic and soft texture and affordability. The key issue with jelly is that is contains phthalates and is porous, meaning it cannot be sterilized and must be washed thoroughly between uses.

Many sexperts recommend using condoms with jelly toys to reduce the health risks associated with phthalates.

Always check the label and look for materials when purchasing a new sex toy to make an informed decision that’s right for your body. If in doubt about your current toys, use condoms, or throw them away and invest in some shiny new pleasure pieces.


Photo credit: © mariesacha –