Wondering how people got themselves off in the days of yore? Ladies and gents were DIYing sex toys waaay before the invention of the world’s first steam-powered vibrator. How do you think they passed the time before television and the interweb?
Making your own sex toys is fun and easy, and might be a great creative outlet for dirty-minded DIY masters. Sure you could carve a head into a carrot or cucumber, but if you want to really push your ingenuity to the limits, do some online research or grab the handy book Make Your Own Sex Toys.
I fell into the DIY sex toy internet rabbit hole researching this post, and decided to share the best and the worst of the web. You’re welcome/ sorry.
Well ladies, here’s a homemade gift for Valentine’s Day! Spoil your man with his very own, made-with-love vagina-in-a-Pringles-can. Or, if you’re not handy, just get your hands on the required materials, print out the instructions, and package them in a gift basket.
Look for LOLs: Make your own fleshlight
Sex Dolls, You’re the Scariest
Sabotage Times begins their piece on these homemade sex dolls found on Reddit:
Never underestimate the ingenuity of perverts…
And that pretty much sums these what-was-seen-cannot-be-unseen atrocities. At first I looked at my screen in horror, then I laughed, then the realization that people actually have these things stuffed into their closets and under their beds OR JUST LAYING AROUND THEIR HOMES hit me and I felt terrified. And then I considered some of the creativity and hours of work that has actually gone into them. And I was simultaneously impressed and saddened.
I’m sorry to share this but if I have to have it burned into my memory, so should you: Cheers, Reddit: This Homemade Sex Doll Will Haunt Your Dreams.
Clitoring – Geddit?
You know those bauble rings that were popular for five minutes a few years back? Well it turns out everyone was masturbating with them! Okay, maybe not everyone, but these ladies certainly thought it provided a sexy opportunity, and made a jaunty little video showing how to DIY it. I like the clever use of Dancing With Myself as background music.
Totes gonna look twice at anyone I see wearing one of these in public from now on. Just saying, DIY Sex Toy – CLITORING.
Star Wars Nerds Will Cream…
Does the idea of dressing up as Princess Leia and Hans Solo (or Chewbacca, or another Princess Leia) with your significant other and succumbing to the erotic pleasure of a light saber dildo blow your mind?
It does?! Well then grab your boring old jelly dong, a toy laser sword and read on: Laser Sword Dildos.
One for Looners
Love balloons? Like, really love them? Then this simple and cheap DIY trick might be for you. If you’re happy to run the risk of having a balloon full of water burst all over you and your bed.
May also appeal to chicks with a clown fetish. Not so much to anyone with a phobia of either: The Balloon Rub.
Engineer Your Way to Ecstasy
This Funky Rocker is like the granddaddy of DIY sex contraptions. It’s definitely for seasoned DIYers, given that you’ll need to purchase some potentially complicated plans and actually build this baby using tools and proper components. Like, there are nuts and bolts and stuff, guys. Or you could enlist someone else to build it for you… got a birthday coming up?
If you rewound that scene in Burn After Reading to get a better look at Clooney’s dildo chair, check it out: Funky Rocker Design Plans.
If you are a fan of DIY, be sensible. Check out this list of household items NOT to use for sex play before you let your freaky imagination run wild.