Monthly Archives:

March 2015

Education

Positive Things You Can Do RIGHT NOW to Address Domestic Violence

This is a much darker post than what we usually share at Polkadotsi but we can’t stay silent on this issue. 24 women are dead. 24  individual women. Women who had lives.

Apart from the fact that these victims had their lives ripped away from them, one of the most shameful things about this is that our country is not focussing on the men who murdered these women.

Instead, we are being told that:

  • It isn’t safe to walk alone in parks
  • it isn’t safe to run with headphones
  • We shouldn’t wear provocative clothing.

Um, hold the phone?! What focussing on how it isn’t safe for men to be out beating up and killing women. What about the most basic rape and violence strategy in the world: don’t be violent.

As Twitter user @Ecksmas put it

Domestic violence against women

 

We say what the fuck…

Let’s get something very clear.

It is never the victim’s fault. Period. Full Stop, no returns.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence, also labelled intimate partner violence, sometimes simply called violence. Frankly in my opinion the labels don’t matter. It’s not all about physical violence. It’s often difficult to understand how an intimate partner can be violent towards someone if there aren’t physical signs of violence – and that’s why conversations like these need to be had. There’s no such thing as “Typical domestic violence” let’s stop perpetuating that myth.

Domestic abuse can be:

Physical – physical harm is inflicted on the victim. This can be sexual, or violence of a non-sexual nature.

Verbal/Emotional– the victim is shamed, abused, belittled, shouted at, and made to feel harmed with words

Social – the perpetrator isolates the victim from their social circles and removes any chance of support. Teasing and belittling the victim in front of other people, or shaming you in front of others is another example of social abuse.

Economic – The perpetrator traps the victim by creating a dependence on them financially, and prevents them from having any financial independence of their own

Religious/Spiritual The victim is abused by preventing them from having spiritual or religious beliefs of their own, and impacting on their life that way.

Have you got someone in your life that you’re worried about? Talk to them. Have that  conversation.

What Can You Do Right Now?

Start talking. Have these conversations. Violence against women continues because it’s almost socially accepted. When you hear someone say “She asked for it” or “She was in the wrong place at the wrong time” or “He is usually so nice when I meet him” GET FUCKING ANGRY.

Start Talking.

 

Or perhaps better, have a gentle confrontation about how the only person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time was the ABUSER. The only person who asked for it was the ABUSER. And the just because someone appears to be lovely to you, does not mean that behind closed doors they aren’t abusing their partner.

We need to be changing the paradigm of the slut shame and victim blame. We need to be putting the focus on why this abuse happens, and we need to be disgusted and abhorred by it as a society.

Stop the Excuses!

We seem to look for reasons that some men are abusive in society, and try to excuse their behaviour.

“It’s expected that men are macho, and demonstrate their worth with displays of physicality” Um, bull-shit. What is this 4000BC?

There are resources for men to deal with their anger issues. Many of them are listed in the resources section at the bottom of this post.

It is not “Un-manly’ to seek help. And it is certainly not OK to abuse someone and excuse it with “oh, I have anger issues” or “I just snapped”

If you have someone in your life that you feel is abusive towards their partner – have that conversation. Or if it’s a life threatening situation, call the police.

Men need to have these conversations too.

I think as a society we are moving to a place where we can recognise the difference between helpful behaviour and harmful behaviour. I also think as a society it’s well time that all of our wonderful, peaceful, men speak up to their brothers and say “Dude, this simply isn’t cool” “Stop abusing women” “In fact, while you’re at it stop abusing anyone”.

As mothers, we need to teach our children that they have the RIGHT to be safe, and they DO NOT have the right to take someone else’s safety away from them.

This change needs to happen. It needs to happen now. Get angry, get passionate, get talking folks!

It’s not always about alcohol

There’s a common myth that domestic violence is caused by alcohol. Nope, not true, Alcohol can be a trigger, but in 50 percent of reported domestic violence cases, the abuse occurred when the perpetrator was sober.

We need to stop excusing violent behaviour with external triggers, and start encouraging abusers to get help, and supporting the victims to rehabilitate their lives.

Domestic Violence Resources:

Translating and Interpreting Service –
National Call 13 14 50 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT

National Relay Service (for callers who are deaf or have a hearing or speech impairment)
TTY/Voice Calls – phone 133 677 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT or 1800 737 732
Speak and Listen – phone 1300 555 727 and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT

Internet relay users – visit the National Relay Service website and ask them to contact 1800 RESPECT or 1800 737 732

ACT

Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT
02 6280 0900
http://www.dvcs.org.au/

NSW

Domestic Violence Line
1800 65 64 63
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au/home

QLD

DV Connect Women’s Line
1800 811 811
http://www.dvconnect.org/dvline

VIC

Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service
1800 015 188 or 03 9322 3555
http://www.wdvcs.org.au/

WA

Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline
08 9223 1188 or 1800 007 339

SA

Domestic Violence Crisis Service
1300 782 200

Domestic Violence and Aboriginal Family Violence Gateway Service
(including Domestic Violence Help Line)
1800 800 098

TAS

Family Violence Response Referral line
1800 633 937
http://www.safeathome.tas.gov.au/about_us

NT

Dawn House
08 8945 1388

 

You can also check out:

Lifeline

Reach Out

Why Men Abuse Women

Education, Featured, Sex Toys 101

9 Reasons You Should Totally Embrace Using Sex Toys

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone… I love my vibrators!

Oh, who am I kidding, I just posted this on Polkadotsi – everyone knows that I have a love affair with all that buzzes! But it would seem that there is still a lot of stigma and shame associated with getting your wank on.

So in the interests of enabling all of you to go and flick the bean, here are 9 reasons that you should totally embrace using sex toys!

1 – They help you discover your body

Getting to know what you like and don’t like empowers you to have better sex. Have you found your g-spot? Discovered how to squirt? Discovered your U spot? No? have a little play!

2 – They can reach places that your wee fingers just can’t

Let’s be honest, unless you have super long arms, or incredibly long fingers, there are hard to reach places that your vibe can hit. Mmmmmmm

3 – They can help you relax

Orgasms = endorphins = Ommmmmm

Maybe not the same as mediation… but orgasmic meditation? Now you’re talking!

4  – They can improve your mood

If you’re in a bit of a slump, a big O can release endorphins that pick you right up!

5  – They can help you improve your orgasm!

Learning to isolate those muscles that help you cum can train you into stronger, better orgasms! Yes please!

6 – They can provide mild pain relief

Period pain? A bit of an headache? Buzzing your way to bliss town can relieve your pain.

7  – You don’t need a partner

Take control of your sexual pleasure with your battery operated pleasure friend! Vibrators are brilliant in that you don’t need anyone else to indulge in sex for one!

8  – You can totally do it with a partner!

You can totally take that party in your pants to the next level with your partner by introducing toys to your boudoir repertoire.

9  – They feel freaking amazing!

I don’t have to expand on this one do I?

What are you waiting for! Go get your buzz on!

 

Photo credit: buecax

Feminist Spanking
Body Positive Activism, Education

You Can Still Be A Feminist And Enjoy A Good Spanking

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about feminism, and what it means to me and some of the amazing women I know. I think demystifying feminism as a social concept, and being aware that it means different things to different people – and that that’s okay – is really important in tackling issues of sexual and gender inequality. I also think busting some of the myths around feminism is just as important, because often these myths are used as a weapon, even in the guise of satire, to belittle feminism and perpetuate dominant gender belief systems.

At Polkadotsi, we call bullshit on these myths. Here’s our top 3, busted.

Feminism Is About Man-Hating

False. Feminism is most definitely not about hating on men, or placing the genders into some them versus us socio-political battle. Feminism is about recognizing the gender inequality that still exists in our, yes, largely patriarchal society, and moving forward in a way that embraces men and women equally.

Most feminists (I won’t say all, because there are always extremists in any social or cultural group) do not want to be seen or be treated as better than men. We just want things to be equal, and for everyone to be recognized for who they are, rather than what’s in their knickers.

Feminists Don’t Like To Fuck

Seriously? There is a wide range of variations on this myth, and all of them are ridiculous. It kind of relates to the man-hating myth, but takes it a step further by making it sound like any man who beds is a feminist is a sucker, and in for a really bad time.

Feminists might be less inclined to put up with sexism bullshit, and they might not want to shag someone who treats them as less-than based on their gender or acts like a macho jerk. But that can probably also be said for a lot of women who don’t identify with feminism.

Feminists like to get freaky as much as the next person, and their ideas about equality probably have little bearing on the fun they have with their partner/s. In short, feminists can enjoy a rough-and-dirty shag or a good spanking without worrying they’re submitting to the patriarchy. The key is that they have the right to choose whether or not spanking is their thing.

Men Don’t Want To Fuck Feminists

Because feminists are all hairy, angry, dungaree-wearing man-haters, right? Insert ironic LOL here. I think this myth was actually created to make women feel insecure that if they voiced their opinions, they’d never find a man. Umm… you’re totally missing the point.

Okay, some feminists might not shave their legs or get Brazilians, but some do. Some feminists might be angry, but most probably aren’t. Some feminists may still enjoy rocking their late-90s dungarees, and some won’t be caught dead wearing mismatched lingerie.

And you know what? For every single one of those feminists, there’s someone out there who wants to bone them. Guaranteed. And the ones that do run a mile at the mere mention of the F word are probably pretty bad in bed, anyways.

What you’re favorite or most-loathed myth about feminism?

 

Image credit: © olly – Fotolia.com