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Featured, Fertility, Pregnancy & Birth, Relationships

Enjoying Your Sexuality While Breastfeeding

Your relationship with your breasts while breastfeeding is likely to have radically changed; previously there just for your entertainment and to make your clothes fit. Well, now they are working girls with a new agenda.

A breastfeeding mother may experience all or some of the following: leaking, pain, feeling over exposed and touched out, have an overflowing bra before a feed and look like a day old balloon after, but most of all, a new found reverence and appreciation for your breasts.

You are feeding and bonding with your child using your breasts; creating a closeness that is not easily matched in any other human interaction.

We should probably talk about your boobs

In the early days, your breasts may be a no-go zone during sex. They also may like to join in with a little spraying action once the oxytocin starts flowing. As a fan of ejaculate play, I thought that it was great to be on the other side of the equation.

Plus, its hilarious. The most important thing to know is it’s normal. Feeling sexual about your breasts while breastfeeding may be difficult for some mothers. I have found that treating my breasts like my vulva has helped; instead of being part of the foreplay, a no touchy policy until I am really tuned on has reintroduced me to the pleasures of boob play.

They always know!

Why is it that your breastfed cherub can be deep into the land of slumber and normally sleep through the neighbour’s leaf blower, but the slightest nookie noise and they are wide awake? Is it some kind of inbuilt sibling prevention system? I am sorry, I don’t have a solution for this one, just commiserations.

Sneaking Around Like a Horny Teenager?

So you may be having sex with a sock in your mouth, but that doesn’t mean you have to also be in the back of the car, unless a role play of a time with less responsibilities is helping you get in the mood. Often a couple will lose their shared sleeping/sex space to their frequently waking boobie monster on a permanent or part-time basis.

If possible, making a space that the kids can’t go, that is reasonably tidy and has your sex tools close at hand, can make getting your jiggy on that a bit easier during a typically sex-starved time.

My Grandma’s sewing machine inside the play pen brings to mind a possible solution. You really haven’t lived until you have opened your bleary eyes to your toddler painting the wall with your lube left out from the night before.

Coping with a Lower Sex Drive

Lower sex drive during breastfeeding is a biological reality for many women and one of the reasons it’s so important for couples to have a great sex life with themselves. Partner assisted masturbation is a wonderful option while your sex drive is on holiday. If your sex drive is still low after a year or two of breastfeeding, it may be worthwhile checking out the other factors that contribute to a low libido with a health professional.

Estrogen Wherefore Art Thou?

Breastfeeding suppresses estrogen production, which can result in vaginal dryness and irregular ovulation, even if you are regularly menstruating. While most women can deal with this with liberal use of a good lubricant and diligent foreplay, for some breastfeeding mothers low-estrogen can have a more serious impact.

Experiencing pain, bleeding after sex, tightness and irritation may be an indication of vaginal atrophy. Atrophic vaginitis, is the thinning, drying, and tightening of the vulva caused by low-estrogen and reduced blood flow to the vulva (read: not enough sex).

It can become a vicious cycle of painful sex leading to less sex which results in further atrophy. Many health professionals will not consider this diagnosis for women decades away from menopause despite it being a common condition for breastfeeding women.

It is important to be persistent with your provider if they keep fobbing you off with “use more lube” when you have already tried the entire selection at your local sex shop and you still have an unhappy vagina. This is a treatable condition with topical estrogen and more sex. That’s right, more orgasms is just what the doctor ordered.

Featured, Orgasms

Celebrate Your Solo Sex Life

I loved reading about Emma Stewart’s commitment to discovering masturbation as a sexually experienced adult, but I worried that my fellow wankers may feel that that their early and frequent masturbation schedule is somehow unusual. So I thought I would take a deep breath, kick the cultural shame around talking about masturbation in the butt, and give you some accounts of my “Tours of Tasmania.”

The Not So Innocent Beginnings

So, rather embarrassingly, the first person that inspired sexual feelings was Mike Myers as Austin Powers. I was about eleven having a sleep over at my older cousin’s house, staying up late and watching the films I wasn’t allowed to watch at home. Having a bath the next day, the spa sex scene I had furtively watched the day before popped into my head. I felt a flush over my body and discovered all sorts of nice feelings existed, but fully fledged orgasms were a few years away.

The World of Fantasy

High school friends introduced me to fan fiction and shortly after graduation I discovered the rabbit hole of Slash – fanfic erotica. While previously solo sex had just been straight forward physical self-experimentation, sexual fantasy opened up and extended the physical, emotional and intellectual pleasures of solo sex. Erotic fantasy allows you to explore your creativity, your desires, to transcend any limitations and to experience the unattainable. Well, so I thought. One fateful drunken Thursday night, I met my kink and sexual match. A sporadic, yearlong affair began where all the things in my head were explored and expanded upon. I discovered that partner sex wasn’t necessarily the point or the best part of sexuality. In this affair, I often chose not to seek an orgasm, as it would add to the dom/sub role play, but the memories have enriched my solo sex life for years after. Sex isn’t something that I needed to seek from someone else; wanking wasn’t a sign of sexual failure. Instead sex is something that I am and have. Sex and orgasms aren’t given to me or taken from me in a healthy interaction, they are shared.

Things that Buzz

Apart from the occasional vegetable that got re-purposed for non-nutritional uses, I have never been particularly enamoured by sex toys. Perhaps because my introduction to them was a rather tragic knock off rabbit vibrator that came in a Sexpo show bag. But generally the noise and the feeling of having a disembodied dick present interrupted my ability to fantasise, so I found the whole thing counterproductive to achieving orgasms. Many years later, and after birthing a child, how I feel about my body, what turns me on and even the type of touch I enjoy has completely changed. My tried and tested fantasies and techniques have lost their hold on me and I need to relearn my own sexuality. Acknowledging that my sex just no longer fit in the box I assumed I was in is liberating and exciting. There is now an endless world of exploration ahead of me as I change. Things I had previously said, “No, I definitely don’t like that,” now excite me.

If you have been subscribed to Polkadotsi for even a little while, you are well aware that there is wide and wonderful world of self-pleasure tools out there. Maybe it’s time to equip myself.


Bright Desires

Featured, Relationships

Are You Putting Too Many Eggs In One Basket?

If You Like It Then  You Shoulda Put A Ring.. Nevermind!

For most women in the west, just a few short decades ago your life path was largely determined by who you married. Economic situation, intellectual stimulation, sex life, major life decisions, emotional support and quite often your social circle.

Your happiness was quite often dependent on finding the right man to marry. We have now mostly broken free from this idea that a man needs to provide economic security and intellectual stimulation as we entered the out-of-home work place en masse.

But what about our other needs? Housing arrangements, friendships, sexuality, goals and dreams. Are we still relying on one perfect man that will match our needs in all of these diverse areas? Is there a way to relieve this pressure cooker scenario when dating or within an established relationships?

Many couples that can afford it are choosing a living situation dubbed ‘living together apart’. While the pearl clutchers may claim society is falling apart, that it is dysfunctional and that they should move on and find someone they would be happy to share a living space with, many ‘LAT’s’ claim to be deliriously happy with the arrangement.

Research shows they are often more satisfied with their relationships and experience less conflicts than their cohabiting counterparts. While it is not for everyone, creatives and introverts that need time alone to create and recharge often thrive with this kind of arrangement.

Isn’t it time we had an honest chat with ourselves and our partners about our human need for multiple partners?

No More Racing Down The Aisle?

As many have delayed marriage to pursue other goals or have many relationships, the long period before coupling up and the inevitable break ups means relying on emotional support from a romantic partner is a rather risky emotional insurance policy. Even if in a romantic relationship, many women are finding while their man might give a warm shoulder to cry on during the hard times, when it comes to the emotional analysis gay or female friends are a better support.

What would art, film, literature and TV dramas have to do for content if it weren’t a basic truth that humans are a non-monogamous animal that thinks it’s meant to be monogamous? There are almost endless ways of meeting our sexual, physical needs outside of the partnered for life model.


When Three Isn’t A Crowd; A New Relationship Paradigm

Swingers, open relationships, serial monogamy, fuck buddies, holiday flings, the flirtation with your local barista, a weekly coffee date with a male friend that gives great hugs, cyber sex, the lover that makes you feel like a cherished goddess and the one that likes to explore shared kinks. Isn’t it time we had an honest chat with ourselves and our partners about our human need for multiple partners?

For a modern empowered women there can be a lot of downsides to relationships. Ingrained gender roles can still prevail when shacked up together or when children arrive. Despite how enlightened you think of yourself and your partner, there is something about the arrival of children that brings up unconscious ways of doing things that you witnessed in your own childhood.

Despite how enlightened you think of yourself and your partner, there is something about the arrival of children that brings up unconscious ways of doing things that you witnessed in your own childhood.

Having to compromise on the majority of decisions from the decor to which country you live in can require huge sacrifices and result in resentment. If you already have the majority of your needs met as a single woman, a relationship can either be the cherry on top, or you can happily wait for the match so perfect that any compromises required are barely noticeable.

Let’s get our needs met on our own terms and not on Hollywood’s relationship model.

Education, Featured, Relationships

Finding The Perfect Date

Breaking Down the Break up

Moving on with your life as a newly single women can be a daunting prospect. Without the distraction of a relationship you are suddenly forced to face yourself. You can be left wondering who are you? Which bits are you in a crappy relationship? What have you forgotten about yourself? What has been just under the surface waiting for a bit of space and sunshine to start growing? And the most frightening question of all; Am I lovable? Would I even date myself? Well would you date someone that constantly questions your abilities, minimises your achievement and dwells on your failures? Would you date someone that was constantly critical of your appearance? Who shamed you every time you ate a piece of cake? Would you date someone that physically harmed you? Cut you, starved you or encouraged you to drink or take too much? Would you date someone who forced you to do things you didn’t enjoy, that made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Would you date someone that didn’t pamper you occasionally and give you long unhurried orgasms? Are you in an abusive relationship with yourself or a loving one?

What does ‘Love yourself’ even mean?

I always found the ‘love yourself first’ dating advice rather ridiculous. I knew that I didn’t love myself but I certainly loved my family and friends and that they cared for me. I was capable of loving and being loved by others, what did loving myself have to do with dating? Why should my sometimes negative feelings for myself be a barrier to experiencing the highs and low of a romantic relationship? To have healthy relationships we need boundaries. We must have expectations around what we need and what is not OK. Boundaries are hard work to enforce especially for women who are often expected to put themselves last. Having appropriate and firm boundaries with yourself and others requires practice. If you are in the habit of treating yourself poorly it is very easy to get in the habit of letting others treat you poorly too.

Starting to Date Again

I sat at a restaurant at the end of a pier watching the sun go down and the kite surfers zoom past, sipping on a divine lemon meringue cocktail. The live guitarist was playing all my favourite songs. It was quite possible the best date of my life. All I had for company was Naomi Wolf’s ‘Vagina: A new biography’ and some light-hearted flirtation with the cute waiter. After this date I decided I was a pretty fun woman to be around, beautiful, charming, intelligent and sensual. If I met someone like that how would I treat them? I would make time to be one on one with them. I would encourage and praise their exertions, soothe their hurts, massage their hands and feet, look them in the eye and tell them how beautiful they are. Their sexual satisfaction would be one of my priorities. I would make yummy healthy meals for them. I’d regularly sit down and dream with them over copious cups of tea. So why couldn’t I treat myself this way? I am going to learn how to be my own perfect date. Once I know how to be a good lover to myself, I will be a better lover to others and I can show that special someone how I expect to be treated.

Education, Relationships, Your Body

How To Treat Your Woman Like A Goddess And Rekindle The Spark

You still find your partner hot, you still love him and you’re able to have good sex but you miss the great sex you had at the start of the relationship. If you are finding your sex drive going south don’t despair there are some straightforward things your man can do to get you interested again. So I’ve written the top four out-of-the-bedroom moves that will get you into the bedroom. Print it out and stick it in the toilet for him.

Men I know we can be a bit mystifying. You attempt the same moves that worked at the beginning of the relationship and the only reaction you get is complaints of headaches. Don’t worry she isn’t getting a brain tumor you just need to do a little foundation work on her subconscious. At the beginning of a relationship the novelty and excitement does most of seduction for you. Also as time goes on responsibilities can accumulate. House, children and jobs consume our energy and time, it can be hard to find some reserves to fuel her engine. But it doesn’t have to be difficult or time consuming to re-ignite the spark, here are some of the best ways to kick start her sex drive.

Do the dishes

Women are often putting their own self-care at the bottom of a long list of other priorities. Women need to feel good about their body and their achievements. To do this she needs time for herself to maintain her self-worth. Trying to engage in sexual contact when her own sense of self has disappeared can feel like a further demand on her rather than a chance for pleasure. Sometimes she will need you, the man in her life to help her find the time to achieve her self-care needs. You may be able to go ‘Right I am feeling too pressured I need to go to soccer practice today to let out some steam’ and have no hesitation in dropping all other priorities. A woman will often feel obliged to meet others needs first to be able to do the same. Its times like these that you need to step up and say, ‘Go do something for you, I can take care of it’.

 More hugs. Less showers.

She needs time to smell you especially when you’re happy, relaxed and aroused. The more time she spends in your arms close to your neck and arm pits the more relaxed, horny and fertile she will be. The pheromones in your sweat will help regulate her cycle and can make her more fertile. She can smell when you’re aroused and attracted to her on an unconscious level and the more she breathes that in the less stressed and the more responsive she will be to you.

Tell her she is beautiful.

You probably used to do this a lot. You think she knows that you think she’s hot and you don’t need to keep saying it. After all that is why you keep asking her to have sex with you right? Wrong, she physically needs you to say it. She needs you to be looking deep in her eyes and to know that she is the most beautiful women in the world to you. Sex is risky business for women do it with the wrong guy at the wrong time and she is stuck with raising a child by herself with resulting economic and emotional hardship. On an instinctual, biological level she needs to feel that you are more attracted to her than anyone else and you aren’t about to run off with the next women you see. Logically knowing that you find her hot doesn’t cut it with the subconscious, you need to let her know regularly.

Be Mysterious

One of the best ways to give her a thrill is to sweep her of her feet with a mystery date or even better holiday. Organise the childcare, the transport and the activities to boot her out of nurturing mode and into her sex goddess mode. Keep the details a secret, perhaps a little blindfold action to increase the anticipation and only let her know what she needs to wear.

Bright Desires

Photo credit:  curaphotography

Education, Featured

Let’s Talk About Sex Ladies

So often when chatting with other women we can get drawn into talking about our work, our children or how we look. While it is pleasant to talk about the outer elements of our lives most of us need the intimacy that comes from discussing our inner worlds as well. So how can we get out of the shallows and get down and dirty with emotional intimacy? Talk about sex off course!

One of my dearest friendships started out with my friend asking me sex questions minutes after we had met. After I recovered from my shock at myself giving such intimate details to an almost complete stranger, we quickly became good friends. If we hadn’t first talked about how our vulva’s looked and what type of porn we liked would we have been able to share our deepest fears about catastrophic climate change and struggles with depression?

Sexuality is such an important part of our being but as a society we pretend to ignore it most of the time, unless someone is trying to sell something to us. It can bring a feeling of wholeness to share your entire self to a friend. Because secrecy and shame surrounds the topic of sex it can be challenging but also a huge relief to be vulnerable and to let out some of our darkest secrets. I have always been pleasantly surprised to find my darkest secrets are often shared and not really all that dark. Or at the very least will give my friends a giggle.

The tendency to slip into a competitive discussion is such a huge barrier to intimacy between friends. The beauty of talking about sex is, that it is a mostly non-competitive discussion. It costs very little money, anyone can do it, there is no one right way to do it and it is generally good fun. When we stop competing we can deepen our trust in each other and really have the conversations that matter.

Do you feel it’s not true friendship until you have shared information on your sex lives? How do you develop trust and intimacy in your friendships?


Image credit: © Anton Gvozdikov –

Education, Featured, Relationships, Safer Sex, Sex Ed

The Forbidden Fruit: The Allure Of Unhealthy Sex

Why is the potent mix of pleasure and pain that can be found in illicit sex so hot? The break up sex. Sex with the train wreck, brilliant, broody, artist types. The addictive sex with the person you are in love with but who won’t commit to you. Or the full-blown affair with the married man.

Mother Nature is a bit of a trickster when it comes to sexual desire, love and relationships. She uses desire to drive us to make babies, preferably with a diversity of partners for maximum genetic diversity, but at the same time wants strongly bonded couples to both contribute to the task of raising a child. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Desire is rooted in novelty, mystery, danger and spontaneity. While love needs dependability, openness, and responsibility to grow and build a strong relationship.

That your nurturing and sex appeal will banish his demons and turn him into the kind of man you would want to introduce to your parents. Because you were there during the hard times your bond will be unbreakable, forged in the fires of adversity.

Perhaps you’re not looking for a relationship, why not go ahead and enjoy the illicit sex? Well here’s the bit where Mother Nature has the last laugh; sharing orgasms with someone gives our brain a strong oxytocin rush. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, leading to icky lovey dovey feelings for our sex partners, even for those completely unsuited to a loving stable relationship.

Maybe you know the warning signs and you can fish your heart out of a situation and put your panties back on before you’re in too deep. But many of us fall into the, ‘Rescuer Fantasy’. We have been sold the idea by society that women need to ‘tame’ a man. It’s almost a point of pride, who hasn’t heard the clichéd line of; ‘Oh he used to party and date half the town, but when he met me that all turned around’. It is far too easy to succumb to the seductive idea that you may be the most amazing women he has ever met.

That your nurturing and sex appeal will banish his demons and turn him into the kind of man you would want to introduce to your parents. Because you were there during the hard times your bond will be unbreakable, forged in the fires of adversity. Of course the reality is you are probably only bonding yourself and that any changes in him are superficial because they have not come from within him.

So sooner or later you will get hurt, but by now your ‘rescuee’ is on to a good thing and you are likely to receive the, ‘I will never agains’. These big declarations are far too easy to believe because of your oxytocin addiction. A wave of forgiveness, hope and love may come over you with the last of the anger dissipating with the hot make-up-sex orgasms. But since the impulse for change is external not internal the cycle is likely to start all over again.

Its time women saved our nurturing, forgiveness and heartache for our babies (metaphorical or actual). And stop wasting it on full grown adults who should be responsible for themselves. By understanding how desire works we can have hot sex using the desire drivers of novelty, surprise, distance and manageable risk (think rollercoaster rides rather than unprotected sex) with people that respect our boundaries and emotional needs.

I am breaking up with the hurts-so-good sex and saying hello to clear boundaries, hello honesty, and hello oh-so-good sex. Imagine a world full of women who were doing the same, think of all the things we would be achieving with that extra energy, happiness and pleasure.


Photo credit: © mallivan –


Where Is Your Virginity?

Where is your virginity? Do you carry it around with you? Did you lose it somewhere in the back of the car? Got drunk and left it at the party you were at? Still got it despite years of satisfying sex with your girlfriend? Have you kept it safe by having oral sex only? Virginity is a rather amorphous concept, that really boils down to the idea of sexual purity.

While the traditional pressure to ‘save’ your virginity for marriage has mostly eased in western culture, the concept of sexual purity has not. Having casual sex,  or sex with ‘too’ many people can still make a woman ‘unmarriageable’ or sexually ‘polluted’ , after all ‘slut’ is still almost always used to refer to women. If you really wanted to pin down the meaning of virginity most would define it as when a woman’s vulva is penetrated by a penis for the first time, and a likely part of that process is the breakage of the hymen.

Losing your ‘L’ plates has become a rite of passage for many in western culture, and that to become a woman you need to have been ‘opened’ by a man.

Hymen lets break down the myths

For many years I assumed the notion of virginity came from the existence of the hymen. It turns out that ‘popping the cherry’ is mostly just a myth. In the absence of birth control men have been trying to control women’s sex lives to ensure paternity for millennia.

Virginity tests are attempts at controlling and scaring women, sometimes using the most bizarre methods, in the European Middle Ages upward pointing breasts and clear urine were considered signs of virginity.

Not all cultures defined virginity by the presence of blood on the newlywed’s marital sheets, but for cultures that did many a mother-of-the-bride would have helped her daughter smuggle a vial of chicken blood into the marriage bed, just in case her hymen had already dissolved or her husband wasn’t rough enough.

many a mother-of-the-bride would have helped her daughter smuggle a vial of chicken blood into the marriage bed, just in case her hymen had already dissolved or her husband wasn’t rough enough.

The truth is there isn’t a membrane that needs to be broken open in most cases, what we have is a vaginal corona which are folds of mucous membranes encircling the vaginal entrance one-two centimetres in.

There is a large amount of natural variability in the thickness, stretchiness and size of this opening. In most cases it has largely dissolved due to hormones during puberty and with the right level of arousal, lubricant and patience it can stretch to accommodate penetration without bleeding or too much pain.

Taking back your virginity

Because we have cultural myths around the first time being painful and bloody many don’t know that most women do not bleed and that those who do, mostly did so from bad sex not because of their hymens.

Only a few of us will have hymen’s sensitive or inflexible enough to bleed if things are taken slowly. Instead we set women up for a painful experience that can then be a mental barrier to enjoying penetrative sex.

If we embraced masturbation as the path to sexual fulfilment and awakening our full sexual adult selves, we can own our own orgasms and personhood. Penetrating ourselves first can give us pleasure, prevent pain and bad associations.

Let’s lose it

We are not physically marked by our sexual partners and we do not need to define or label ourselves based on how many partners we have had. In fact if you do not have penetrative sex for a while the vaginal corona can retighten and need to be treated gently when resuming penetration.

While the concept of virginity can cause unnecessary pain and mental anguish in western cultures, it can have far more serious consequences for women in some cultures. It is about time we ditched the virginity concept and stopped counting our sexual partners and started counting orgasms.

 It is about time we ditched the virginity concept and stopped counting our sexual partners and started counting orgasms.


Photo credit: © Victoria Andreas –


Education, Featured

Penis All Sorts: How To Get Pleasure From Every Pecker.

Mother Nature, you have got to thank her for the magnificent variety and beauty she gives to our sex organs. While a pecker may be less complicated then a pussy there is still a delightful amount of variety to explore. Here is your guide on how to make the most of the wonderful world of wangs.


Apart from the cute factor the curvy cock is great for G-spot stimulation. Use that bend and creative positioning to really get the most pressure and friction on the good bits. You may find your own g-spot is a bit left-of-centre too and the kinked cock can bring you to new heights of pleasure.


These poor guys would usually get left out of a list like this, but the smaller ones have their charms. If you love giving oral sex this is the man for you. You can really lavish attention on all of his manhood, enjoying making him melt into a puddle of pleasure without fancy breathing techniques. Even if you are a ‘size queen’, if you really like the guy you can incorporate dildos, strap-ons and vibrators into your repertoire.


For some reason men seemed to think the longer the better. Personally I am not a huge fan of this cervix banging, gag reflex inducing dick. However a long one can get you into places you never dreamed possible. So if you have a plan to take on all the positions in the Karma Sutra this might be the guy for you.


Oh baby the fat ones! For most women ‘short and thick does the trick’, as a women’s sensitive parts are in the first third of the vulva a wide penis will generally give the most sensation. However there can be too much of a good thing so use lots of lube and take it slow for this ride.


What’s not to love about 20,000-70,000 extra erogenous nerve ending compared to a circumcised man? The foreskin also traps in the juicy sex secretions along with the gliding action of the foreskin itself gives a much smoother ride. As the foreskin enhances the thrusting motion an uncut man does not need to vigorously pound a women to climax. This allows for more intimate sex with more clitoral stimulation as the hips can stay closer together.

While phalluses are fun, pleasure and orgasm with a man is mostly determined by his skill and sensitivity not his package. After all the most pleasure comes from the clitoris and she doesn’t need a penis for her fun. Have I left your favourite schlong out? What tickle tail gets you ticking?


Photo credit: © juliedeshaies –

Body Positive Activism, Featured

Hey Good looking! Let’s Celebrate Attraction

A few months ago, as I walked through Dubai airport alone, enjoying moving my body freely after sitting for eleven hours straight with a toddler on my lap, an attractive man in his ‘Taekwondo Team UK’ uniform walked past and almost stopped to look over his shoulder at me. Presumably he wanted to see if the front looked as good as the back. I smiled back but shook my head slightly – my partner and child were waiting for me. It had been a very long time since I had felt that attractive.

As I am sure you know an interaction like that can really make your afternoon. It’s no wonder that teenagers like to wear micro-shorts. I have heard concerns that woman who dress in revealing or sexualised clothing are objectifying themselves. Well so what if they are? If we are honest we all objectify people during the brief encounters with strangers in public life.

As you walk past a fine human specimen on the street, you don’t have time to wonder about their views on global warming or whether they’ve had a nice week, you have probably been too busy ‘reducing’ them to a sex object.

But why do we say ‘reduced’, as if sex is bad and sexuality is unimportant? As long as our young people know that their sexuality isn’t the only thing valuable about them, then we shouldn’t have qualms about appreciating and being appreciated for our physical attributes.

I think we are foolish to think that a person can dress anyway they like and be treated exactly the same as if they were dressed in a more reserved manner. If you are going to wear ‘The Dress’, the one that for some reason, makes you exude sexual energy regardless of the amount of flesh showing, then you need to be prepared for people to respond to that.

This does not mean we should expect to be treated disrespectfully, harassed or sexually assaulted. Quite frankly men are not animals that are driven to harassment due to some cleavage. In my experience harassment has come from men deeply uncomfortable with a woman being in what he perceives as ‘male’ space. The independence of a woman traveling freely at night, or working in an engineer’s office is unfortunately still perceived by some men as a threat to their control.

The independence of a woman traveling freely at night, or working in an engineer’s office is unfortunately still perceived by some men as a threat to their control.

Although, if there is no nearby ‘male territory’ to defend, I suspect that the person who comes onto a women with a wolf whistle or obscene language is really a coward. Unable to express their appreciation in a direct manner for fear of being of rejected, they are rude to protect their egos.

What if we had the self-confidence and the manners to give people we are attracted to a genuine complement? Imagine how confident, sexy and nourished we would be if instead of fearing harassment we were receiving complements. Instead of being ashamed of our own desires let’s be honest and celebrate them. Perhaps if we exchanged compliments more often, we could be sharing phone details, orgasms and even love more often as well.

Have you ever given a stranger a complement on their appearance? Have you ever received one? What do you think we could do as a society to celebrate sexuality, sensuality and beauty an inclusive way?


Photo credit:© Andres Rodriguez –