I went to see Embrace, the documentary by Taryn Brumfitt, and I liked it!
Before I delve into the details I like I ought to disclose, I was fully expecting a disappointing experience, and Embrace didn’t deliver. I’m really wary of “One woman’s crusade” type stories, that delve into a small facet of body positivity… I know I know, any body positivity is great body positivity, but I was sceptical.
What Embrace was was beautiful. It followed Taryn’s journey around the world as she explored the different stories of some amazing women experiencing all kinds of body shame, body dislike, and even body hate.
I was confronted by the woman struggling with anorexia, blown away by the beautiful woman with poly-cystic ovaries (as a side note, her eye liner was incredible… I was captivated) and I got misty eyed at the beautiful “mum bodies” who were rediscovering their beauty post having children. There are so many versions of beautiful, and Embrace enabled many of them to see the light.
It was refreshing to see a film that bared all and showed real bodies, real tummies and real vulvas
I was expecting a film that focused on weight as the main proponent of body image and was pleasantly surprised to see a really diverse range of body image issues explored. (THANK YOU for exploring trans body image issues, disabilities, and poly cystic ovarian syndrome!)
It was refreshing to see a film that bared all and showed real bodies, real tummies and real vulvas. As pointed out, most women never get the opportunity to see their own labia, and talking about what’s normal really helps start breaking down the body shame.
I really enjoyed the indignant huffing from the audience as a plastic surgeon told Taryn her nipples should be in the centre of her breasts, and the fat from her butt could be injected in her lips… And I’m proud to say that I too participated in the round of applause at the end.
I have a confession to make…. I like porn. I like porn a lot! There I said it.
The trouble with my adoration of watching strangers fuck, is that I take SERIOUS issue with a lot of what goes on in the porn industry.
My main concerns centre around rape, exploitation of the actors, and the depiction of sex acts that aren’t pleasurable and may even be painful.
I also have a real problem with the industry of “tube channels” that scrape content from other sites, and don’t pay the film makers. I’ve always thought must be a way to be an ethical porn consumer.
Then I discovered the term “Feminist Porn” and be still my throbbing clit… sexy as fuck videos that show real pleasure and real orgasms!
It turns out there is a whole, amazing industry – with incredible film-makers producing woman-friendly erotic film. There is still the gratuitous fuck, there are stories, there are fantasies, there is even some amazing fetish porn.
It should go without saying that I jumped at the opportunity to review Bright Desire’s collection of amazingly sexy videos. Bright Desire is porn for women. Ms Naughty the Filmmaker totally nails it. The videos are sexy, beautiful and *ahem* fun to watch 😉
This is my current favorite…. Selfies. (affiliate link to Bright Desire, a girl’s gotta make some coin!)
I think this is what got me:
Even porn can be more, then bunch of dirty people just going through the motions. How about watching real sexual encounter between two people in love? Sex can be a beautiful thing and we will prove you that you can enjoy watching it this way too! – BrightDesire.com
Real couples feature in many of the videos, so you’re not just watching strangers go through the motions on camera. You’re watching the hot, sexy, dynamic of people who are genuinely attracted to one another.
Ms Naughty, the filmographer has a talent for making you feel like a fly on the wall. You can nearly forget that this is erotic film, and that there are cameras, lights, and a crew of people filming.
The films are gorgeous, sexy, and better than I expected. There is something very cool about the realism. Sex can indeed be a beautiful thing!
Don’t take my word for it – check out some of the videos for yourself here (affiliate link) this one I assure you is hotter than 50 shades!
Ms. Naughty is a writer, editor, blogger, entrepreneur and filmmaker with a passion for making better porn. She’s been curating and creating adult content online since 2000. Her site BrightDesire.com features her filmed and written work and she also co-owns ForTheGirls.com, one of the first adult sites for women. Her short film “Dear Jiz” won Best Experimental Short at Cinekink in 2014 and her films have screened at numerous international festivals. She lives with her husband in a small Australian town, surrounded by Fundamentalist Christians.
I must admit, with a title like “The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris—Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craves” I was a little hesitant about picking up and reading this book. Then, when I read the blurb “Orgasmic fingertip touching that every woman craves” I cringed a little, and was somewhat more hesitant.
So, I gave the book to my lover to read, because he gets to spend more time pleasuring clitorises (Clitori?) than I do. From a guy’s perspective, it’s a book he wishes he had 10 years ago, when he was an awkward, inexperienced, teenage lover; fun, clearly illustrated, like a map to the mysterious clitoris.
So on his advice I read the book too:
And whoah! This is the book that I wish every one of my earlier lovers had read before shoving their rough, inexperienced hands down my knickers!
The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris is a great little how to guide for pleasuring a woman. It sneaks in some nice cliteracy facts like “The clitoris is about the same size as an un-erect penis, and it proudly and loudly shouts loud and clear “LUBRICATION”
It’s a sassy, little, how-to guide for getting started having sex with a woman. It encourages creativity, experimentation and communication.
Oh, and thank you Dr Sadie for spelling out that there is an entire vulva of erogenous zones to explore including the lips, the mons, and the perineum.
Sometimes the book is a little condescending, which can come across a little demeaning (my lover’s feedback) but it’s an awesome guide to leave in the bathroom for a lover to pick up. It’d be fun to read together to try the positions…
You can grab a copy of The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris—Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craveshere (affiliate link) or from Dr Sadie Allison’s site; TickleKitty.com
When I first started masturbating, I used to see how long I could touch myself ever so lightly before rushing to orgasm. Building myself up for as long as I could before I couldn’t stand it any more. In a good session, I could tease myself to orgasm with just the lightest of touch.
The Sqweel Go is a toy that titillates, tantalises, and leaves you begging for more pressure and release. It is frustratingly delightful, and if you are patient enough to use it on its own, it teases an orgasm out of you.
The Lovehoney Sqweel Go is an oral sex simulator and as far as sex toys go, it’s about as close as I think you can get to gentle flicking tongue sensations. I used it with Swoon Smooth Mover Water-Based Lubricant and after figuring out how NOT to flick lube all over myself, I lay back and essentially let the Sqweel do the work.
It has three speeds, I didn’t find too much of a noticeable difference between the speeds, but it was fun flicking between the pulse and slow speed setting.
Out of the box, I got a good hour’s charge from the Sqweel Go – and once I figured out just how to plug the charger into it (this was more of a case of my silliness rather than usability. You simply plug the charger into the Sqweel – nothing to remove) It charged quickly.
Things I loved: the unique sensation, it isn’t quite oral sex but it is delightful. It’s small enough to sneak in a handbag discretely. And for a toy that is effectively spinning, it is surprisingly quiet.
I personally like to use it alongside another toy to add a bit more excitement and sensation- and I have a habit of wanting to rush to orgasm.
N.B. Lovehoney kindly donated the Sqweel for me to review. I’m not paid for this review in any way.
OK, I suppose I should preface this article with a disclaimer (or confession…) that I’ve never owned or used a menstrual cup before. So this was my first ‘go’ as it were. That’s right – menstrual cup virgin. I’ve heard all about them, read up on them, had their merits expounded upon by my eco-friendly, chemically conscious, yoni-loving and menstrual celebrating friends, but never quite taken the plunge. So the time was ripe, menstrual cups and I were officially about to get hitched.
So first things first, got to go and buy myself one of those little suckers. So off to the chemists I go and after a fruitless wander around the aisles thought I’d better ask for some help. My request to the woman at the counter was greeted with bemusement, bordering on disgust and repulsion. “A what? A menstrual cup? She looked decidedly uncomfortable. I might as well have asked her for a silver chalice that I was going to collect my sacred drops in and drink in some bizarre, black magic ritual. Fearing that I was about to be ousted by an angry mob of villagers I made a hasty retreat. The health food store was also without said sanitary ware, so I returned home empty handed. Best go on the tinternet then and find some there I thought merrily to myself, trying desperately to feel I wasn’t being too out there. It’s not kinky? Is it? Pfftt…now why would I worry about my internet searches? So I threw caution to the wind and let fly.
“A what? A menstrual cup? She looked decidedly uncomfortable. I might as well have asked her for a silver chalice that I was going to collect my sacred drops in and drink in some bizarre, black magic ritual
Jesus, mother of God!!? You want how much?? I wasn’t planning on spending between $55 and $65, so off to Ebay I go ( I know, I know, needs to be the real deal, how do you know it’s going to be sanitary? Is it TGA or FDA approved?…). So anyways I find myself the most gorgeous cup. The LadyCup (made in the EU under Swiss management. And anything that’s Swiss must be kosher hey?) Yep, also totally swayed by the adorable drawstring bag with cherries on and the ‘Limited Edition’ ‘Wild Cherry’ red of the cup itself. Me, shallow? Nahhhh. That’s the totally cool thing about these thingy-ma-jigs, menstrual cups come in an astonishing array of capacities, colours, materials, pliability, shapes, textures and sizes.
Ok…the size thing. I’d noticed that some menstrual cup brands refer to cups being suitable for light flow or medium/heavy flow. However, the LadyCup is either S(mall) or L(arge), with the S(mall) being “suitable for a women who has not given birth to a child” (since I checked we don’t give birth to too much else, other than placentas, but hey ho) or “women up to the age of 25”. So what’s with that? Yes, I’m a woman who is most definitely over 25 years old, yes I’ve given birth vaginally (to a child last time I checked), but do I really want the L(arge) size?? Shudder…fuck I realised, I have come to that stage in my life where I’m to be measured by the girth of my loins…the ‘Does she have a fanny like a bucket?’ stage. Or maybe I’m reading too much into that very large L…Not withstanding it was all a little too much to bear.
So I girded my loins and praised sweet Jesus that I hadn’t had to go to some store and have the store assistant bellow across the counter at me and to her boss in the adjacent aisle, “Do we have a menstrual cup for this lady here? What size was it dear? Oh yes, that’s right, the mahoosive, you’ll-never-touch-the-sides, its-like-throwing-a-sausage-down-an-alleyway-mate vagina size, the L(arge). Gulp. I clicked on and ordered the L(arge). So maybe a word to the manufacturers/marketers/whoever of LadyCup on the sizing – never, I repeat , never refer to anything that’s going up a va-jayjay as ‘Large’ (unless it’s an impressive dildo). LadyCup have a little rethink about your sizing categories. And no, before you do it, don’t relabel the L(arge) as ‘mature’ or something of that ilk. Right? Right.
So casting aside my little sensitivities, let’s get on with this review huh? The LadyCup comes in two sizes, in an array of colours (transparent, lavender, wild cherry, summer plum, sweet strawberry, turquoise, green, yellow, blue, pink, orange and lilac) and is made of medical silicone. This material is smooth and hygienic and I didn’t notice any harsh chemical smells or residues either, which I thought there might be with it being such a bright colour.
After washing my dirty mitts I sterilised the new cup by boiling it a while, which is kind of weird watching a pan of water with a menstrual cup bobbing away in there. But hygiene’s important right.
It’s super squishy too, so I could easily fold it into a kind of tampon shape for easy insertion and it popped into place beautifully around my cervix. Probably a little too easily for my liking, I was kind of expecting a re-run of my first tampon experience as an adolescent (shudders just a little bit). But I suppose with many menstrual flows under your belt you are going to be a little more adept at putting these things in huh? It went in even smoother when I did as suggested and wet it a little, but I don’t feel you’d necessarily need to go the whole hog and get the lube they also sell.
I found that YouTubing ‘How to Insert a Menstrual Cup’ was helpful too. This is the one I looked at:
I was pleasantly surprised how comfortable it was, I though t it might feel heavy or suction-y, but I actually couldn’t notice it all. Then it came to that part I was a little nervous about, getting the thing out. It states in the literature that you can safely leave the cup in for 12 hours of protection, but being a vigilant three hourly tampon changer, this just didn’t sit too comfy with me. This was where the instructions on the box hadn’t been too helpful (and could possibly do with a little editing LadyCup). It read “When removing LadyCup for the first time, it is and after the pressure is relieved, pull important to remain calm and maintain the inner relaxation of your body”. I guessed the general jist was to chill out and break the suction. So I did that and, hey presto, out it come. I did the first ‘getting it out’ in the shower, as I worried that I would send showers of menses all up the wall like some horrifying horror flick. But I didn’t and it was OK!! Hooray. Loved seeing that little pool of ecologically collected menses and was pleasantly surprised that there was no offensive smell. Just smelt kind of like breast milk (which is weird, but cool at the same time).
I worried that I would send showers of menses all up the wall like some horrifying horror flick. But I didn’t and it was OK!! Hooray.
Were there any drawbacks in my LadyCup menstrual adventure? Only the one. There were a few leaks on the first couple of days when flow was a little heavier, but I’m going to give the LadyCup another go, give her the benefit of the doubt as it was my first trial run too. She’s now snugly in her little cherry print bed, happily boiled in her sterilised best, waiting for our next sorjourn. And yes, I am referring to her with a pronoun, we are intimate after all.
What’s wrong with a regular condom you may ask? Well in my experience the biggest challenge with using male condoms is remembering to put the damn things on! Apparently I am not alone; up to 15women per year will fall pregnant using male condoms due to incorrect usage. Requiring the male condom user to be aroused (not the best frame of mind for sober, logical decision making) and then to press pause on the fun times is a major design flaw in my view. The female condom is a great alternative which can be inserted up to eight hours before sex.
The female condom has all the advantages of other barrier methods of contraception; 95% effectiveness for pregnancy prevention and protection against STI’s. However, very few couples have tried them, the female condom accounts for less than 0.2% of condom sales worldwide. It is also known as the internal condom as it can be inserted into the vagina or anus. This condom provides protection by covering the vagina and vulva with a nitrile sheath kept in place with flexible internal and external rings.
Safe For Oil Based Lubes
My favourite aspect of using the female condom is the ability to use oil based lubricants. The nitrile sheath will not break down when in contact with oil like the latex in a male condom will. Fantastic for those who have allergies to latex or water based lubricants. Plus nothing beats natural oils such as coconut oil, shea butter or olive oil for enhanced sensation.
There are some disadvantages, primarily the cost, they are 4-5 times more expensive than a male condom. Also, the female condom’s appearance can be a little disconcerting for many users. The first couple of times using the female condom I couldn’t get over the feeling that I had a daggy sock hanging out of my vagina. Not the sexiest feeling in the world. Initially I would scurry off to the bathroom to insert it in privacy.
It Takes Practise To Put In
It is very similar to inserting or a menstrual cup and isn’t difficult with a little practice. I would then saunter back to the bedroom with the outer ring tucked between my thighs to hide the unfortunate sight from my partner. Eventually I couldn’t keep the sock joke to myself and since a shared laugh really has got mood enhancing properties I have come to embrace the female condom’s unfortunate visuals. Besides, the dangly bit at the end of a male condom is not all that appealing either but we have learned to live with it. Perhaps if the outer-ring was reshaped to look more like a butterfly or a flower with an inbuilt clit tickler sales would really take off.
As the male condom is not fitted to the penis it has a wide range of user benefits. The unfettered movement can result in a more natural feeling compared to the male condom and the internal ring can create a pleasant sensation also.
Men in Zimabwe have embraced the female condom even inventing a phrase, ‘kaytec-yenza’ to describe the extra ‘tickle’ the internal ring can provide. The outer ring on the clitoris isn’t bad either. All the glorious variety in penis shapes; bendy, petite, wide, long and everything in between can be accommodated by the female condom. For many men fitting into and keeping on a ‘standard shaped’ male condom can be a significant barrier to their use.
As you have probably figured out by now I am a fan of the female condom, which leaves me wondering why they remain so unpopular? Is it still a taboo for women to take control of their sexuality, sexual and reproductive health in a way that the female condom allows? Is the required familiarity with female anatomy a constraint? Are man put off buying them because of the name? What are your thoughts? Why not have a try and let us know. Female condoms are available in Australia through Condoms Australia: www.condomsaustralia.com.au/ and worldwide from www.luckybloke.com
I recently joined the dark side and bought myself a menstrual cup. I’ve been a period geek for a while now, and have been using cloth pads for the past six years. I absolutely love pads but have been hearing all of these wonderful stories of women who have used cups, and cups are so cool, and “Kiera, you NEED TO GET A CUP”
In the interests of reclaiming my menstruation, and making it all funky and stuff (Up yours tampons!) I got my hands on a gorgeous, sunny, yellow Lunette Cup.
For the first few weeks of ownership, my cup sat on my desk. It ventured out of its box occasionally to be popped open, and pinged, and played with.
For the uninitiated, an menstrual cup is usually a latex or silicone cup that is inserted into the vagina when you have your period. It catches the blood, you pop it out, rinse the blood down the toilet and you’re all done.
No waste products
No toxic nasties in your lady garden (My apologies again… I like to slip that term in just to stir!!)
No earthy odors (I actually have never minded the occasional periody smell of pads… )
Welcome Aunty Flo
My beautiful yellow, fascinating, menses receptacle sat idly waiting for the day my period was to arrive. Joy of joys, the day arrived, and dear Aunt Irma came to visit with her usual pomp and circumstance (Cranky me, cramps, and a bizarre craving for coffee bean yoghurt!)
I could NOT have been more excited to try out my cup. I nearly skipped to the bathroom in my haste to funkify my period.
I folded the cup as per the directions, began the process of insertion, and POP the damned thing flipped open and bounced into the toilet bowl before I had a chance to introduce it to my cervix.
Attempt two (with a freshly cleaned cup…) I performed the fold maneuver, positioned myself ready for insertion, INSERTED!! Pop, the cup opens, and OH GOODNESS, What is this?! Dizzy, Nausea.
Yes, that’s right folks, I fainted!!!
Now I’m not squeamish, I’ve only ever fainted once in my life before, and that was shortly after waking from anesthetic, and a nice and very lovely looking nurse was helping me back into bed. I blame his roguish good looks for THAT particular fainting episode (or the anesthetic, whatever)
My Introduction To The Vagus Nerve
It turns out that there is a nerve called your Vagus nerve that runs from your brain to your gut, and a cup can actually stimulate that nerve, resulting in a sudden drop in blood pressure, which in my case resulted in a head spin and faint.
This isn’t a common occurrence for cup users, but it isn’t unheard of either. Tampons, sex, well, anything inserted into the vagina can actually stimulate the nerve!
My cup story has a happy ending however – while some women cannot stand to have the nerve stimulated without triggering a dizzy spell, in my particular case it seems that it’s quite intermittent, and provided I go slowly and carefully, dizziness is avoided.
I’m happy to say that it’s convenient, comfortable, and easy enough to use once you figure out how NOT to flip it into the toilet bowl! I’m very much in love with my new Lunette!
Other women have had success trying a softer brand of cup, or a more bell shaped model.
So All In All
The Lunette is a great product. Its a firm cup as far as materials go, which is why I had problems with flipping it into the toilet. The firmness and springiness takes some getting used to. I’m not a fan of the stem on the cup, which I’ve had to trim. It’s quite rough, and poked into parts that I would prefer not to have something relatively sharp poking.
It’s easy to keep clean and store, and once I got the hang of folding and inserting, it works a breeze. Apart from the stem, I couldn’t feel it once it was inserted.
Oh, and no…. if you’re wondering, no leaks!
Have you had an awkward menstrual cup moment? Go ahead and share with us!
So, let me pre-empt this post by saying first and foremost that I most definitely do not judge your sexual preferences or kinks or fetishes, or anyone else’s for that matter. We’re all wired differently, and we should all be free to get our kicks via any (legal, consenting) means that tickles our fancy, so to speak.
That being said, I’m a firm believer that it’s important to have a healthy sense of humour when it comes to sex. Because if you take that out of the equation, it’s all way too serious. Obviously, when you’re required to research sex and sexuality and sexcapades as often as I am (for writing and, you know… because you’re Googling something for a friend) you’re bound to come across some rip-snorters in the weird and wonderful world of www.
Inflatable Hot Seat
Now, I always wanted a Moonhopper as a kid, but I never owned one. I think by the time the next Christmas or birthday had rolled around the craze was over, but I always kind of lamented having not jumped on this toy bandwagon. Imagine my shock/ delight/ horror when I came across this Inflatable Hot Seat – complete with erect, “jelly multi-speed dong” for your pleasure. I have so many questions. I mean, it says it holds up to 300lbs… but does that take into account vigorous bouncing? And the clear potential for backyard races riding this thing? I’ll never be able to look at a Moonhopper the same way again…
Nothing against anal play, but I couldn’t get past this little dude’s appearance. It’s like he’s a cross between a very skinny caterpillar with a frog-face, and some extra-terrestrial come to probe us all. He’s too cute to put up your butt, right?
Exotic Butterfly Clitoral Pump
Remember when Austin Powers revealed his fondness for his penis pump, and we all laughed and laughed? Well, it turns out penis pumps and pussy pumps are still a thing. Which is cool, I get it, I can see the appeal. But what I do not understand is the totally unappealing, borderline scary shapes and features of some of these pumps, designed to ‘heighten arousal’ in our most intimate areas. Take this model for example. Are you supposed to comb your hair with it, or fuck it? Either way, it’s not getting anywhere near my knickers.
Honey Bunny Latex Hood
This latex bunny mask is completely different to the rabbit featured on Sex and the City, and a far cry from the bunnies of the Playboy Mansion. This is the stuff of my nightmares, thankyouverymuch.
Self-Powered Fucking Machine
You’re probably familiar with the concept of fucking machines. There are entire porn sites dedicated to them, and if you haven’t stumbled across those the concept is pretty self-explanatory. Essentially, people all over the world spend hours – months, even – constructing the most elaborate pieces of machinery for the sole purpose of sex play. This self-powered ‘fantasy glide’ machine is like that… except not. Actually, it’s probably best summed up as being built like a pogo stick, with a detachable dildo where the foot rest would usually be. I’m sure the creators would argue there’s a lot more to it, but I’m not seeing it. It looks like awkward hard work to me… with the potential for some serious injury should you miss a stroke.
What’s the weirdest sex toy you’ve seen, in the flesh or online? Share it here, or via Facebook or Twitter.