So often when chatting with other women we can get drawn into talking about our work, our children or how we look. While it is pleasant to talk about the outer elements of our lives most of us need the intimacy that comes from discussing our inner worlds as well. So how can we get out of the shallows and get down and dirty with emotional intimacy? Talk about sex off course!
One of my dearest friendships started out with my friend asking me sex questions minutes after we had met. After I recovered from my shock at myself giving such intimate details to an almost complete stranger, we quickly became good friends. If we hadn’t first talked about how our vulva’s looked and what type of porn we liked would we have been able to share our deepest fears about catastrophic climate change and struggles with depression?
Sexuality is such an important part of our being but as a society we pretend to ignore it most of the time, unless someone is trying to sell something to us. It can bring a feeling of wholeness to share your entire self to a friend. Because secrecy and shame surrounds the topic of sex it can be challenging but also a huge relief to be vulnerable and to let out some of our darkest secrets. I have always been pleasantly surprised to find my darkest secrets are often shared and not really all that dark. Or at the very least will give my friends a giggle.
The tendency to slip into a competitive discussion is such a huge barrier to intimacy between friends. The beauty of talking about sex is, that it is a mostly non-competitive discussion. It costs very little money, anyone can do it, there is no one right way to do it and it is generally good fun. When we stop competing we can deepen our trust in each other and really have the conversations that matter.
Do you feel it’s not true friendship until you have shared information on your sex lives? How do you develop trust and intimacy in your friendships?
Image credit: © Anton Gvozdikov – Fotolia.com