Recognizing The Need To Heal
Now in my first article about sex camp I realize that I might have sold you the ‘fluffy version’ of this delightful little camp. But what I should also let you know is that in any exploration there are going to be some obstacles and personal hurdles to tackle. That’s right – just like a beautiful vulva which is so soft and inviting, everyone knows that these suckers often come with teeth.
Just as no relationship is all beauty and light, during any examination of self and sexuality we may need to prod our soft underbellies and reveal some very messy wounds. Kinda like psychic bedsores – now ain’t that sexy? And these sores are never going to heal until we clean them out, give them a good old dose of stinging, cleansing iodine and let the slow re-knitting of bones and skin progress or even begin. So now that I’ve sprinkled that tasty little simile in like so much fairy dust, let the saga continue…
Healing Those Old Wounds
Personal events had occurred – I’ll not go into too much boring details – but a friend was behaving…well, I’ll go all 1930’s on ya to describe it perfectly…an irrepressible cad.
Obviously I’d placed them on far too high of a pedestal and they were simply not living up to my stratospheric expectations of the sort of fabulous human being I like to think that I fill my life with, but hey ho. And as a result, rather than metaphorically flicking my hair and stomping off to enjoy adventures anew, I began to run through all the old scripts in my head and heart that we all may have – I’m not enough, I’m unlovable, I’m second best, what’s wrong with me? …blah, blah, blardy blah. I wept big, fat, childish tears and raged.
But then I did do something brave. I smiled – validated my beautiful, hurt inner child and gave her a big smackeroo of a kiss and a lollipop – straightened myself out, reminded myself that I’m beautiful, sassy and sexy and dove head first into the workshops. Time, my dear, to do some processing.
Yes, of course I still carried the pain – my throat was constricted like a tightly strung bow from so many unspoken words, my heart and stomach felt physical pain – but I just needed to take a very deep breath, let out that juddering sigh and get to the root of these triggers and scripts. I needed to reconnect to my sacred feminine essence and release long-held tension.
To feel once more like I was a sexy Goddess of Love. So off I went to ‘Prioritize my Pleasure’ with some Tigress Yoga™ (just for the ladies…grrrrrrr). The gentle, restorative movements and visualizations brought calm and balance once more to my soul. And by the end of that session with the Goddess Kali Foster I was literally purring from head to luxuriant toe. Meowww.
Just as no relationship is all beauty and light, during any examination of self and sexuality we may need to prod our soft underbellies and reveal some very messy wounds. Kinda like psychic bedsores – now ain’t that sexy?
Stir The Pot And Transform
Then to stir that pot a little more I followed the yoga session with a Mini AUM Meditation facilitated by Philip Wright and Taranga. In the AUM meditation you learn more about your emotions, release stress and tension and reclaim the joy of being alive. In a safe environment you are guided through a spectrum of human emotional experiences and responses (anger, forgiveness, love, stamina, life energy, chaos, dance, sadness, laughter, sensuality, chanting, silence, respect and sharing). These are all explored using vocal expression, movement, role play and interaction with others.
It’s exhilarating, exhausting, raw and unfolding. I felt myself being stripped to my primordial bone and becoming fully conscious of my scripts, their meaning and origins and the reactions that they bring into my life. I realised that the friend had their story – and I have mine. Deeply and intuitively I came to acknowledge that I can only be in control of my own responses to the actions of others, not change or shift anything in them or their behaviours. The processing and rewriting of my old scripts had begun. My child-Goddess emerged…from beneath the wounds. Yes, a little shaken and very new, but here and ready to grow. Now time to move on.
Photo Credit: Dmitry_Tsvetkov